Rockband, caberet and alot of nonsense

My sweet Aunt said please let us know about Christmas Eve! There is a weird atmosphere around Mom that is almost palable. I have told my Mom that I needed to get real for a moment in my blog and I had her blessing. You know on those sitcoms when someone is hooked up to lifesupport and the entire family is standing around the bed just waiting on the person to take their last breath. That is how my Mom feels all the time. Mom, what are you doing? Mom, what can I get you? Mom, SIT DOWN, we will get that for you? Mom, Mom are you o.k.? Why are breathing like that? Yes, the doctors have not given her much time but she is still alive! I feel like I am constantly her referee for living. (whistle blowing.....two yards penalty for too many questions of her...back off). I know everyone means well and love her so much. But sometimes it feels we are "death" watch instead of allowing her to live every moment to the fullest. That brings me to Christmas Eve. I decided to ball my eyes out before she arrived......Check!...got that over with. Then I decided no matter what I would not let this evening turn to sorrow. SHE made sure of that! My sweet niece Christina who is a gorgeous Senior in high school this year decided to play a few Christmas songs for Nana on the keys! She is so talented. Mom just smiled and soaked up every moment. Well, then my brother Steve decided it was his turn! He can't play ANYTHING but that didn't stop him. We heard the most unusal versions of Christmas songs. But boy did we laugh. I mean gut splitting, tears streaming, laugh out loud laughter. THENNNNN yours truly decided to buy a few uh things for our dirty santa swap. Our poor brother Tony opened every "female" gift in the bunch...then his bald self opened the hair brush! But finally he got the right one when he opened the MID!!! If you don't know what a MID is well...email me and I will be glad to tell you! I thought I was going to hit the floor laughing! What a good sport! And then we broke out the Rockband while Mom took all the girls into a room and we talked about everything dating, husbands, boyfriends (for those of not married), love, sex, life, marriage and the pursuit of happiness. Young and old didn't get bored or fall asleep...we talked and talked. As I said by my previous blog, Mom was pretty insistent about who entered that room! Those MEN! Lots of food (Zoey appreciated every mishap..she was a canine vaccum). At the end of the evening, I was exhausted and full. Yes full of food, but full of Christmas, love, family and just an overwhelming sense of connection. These people are mine! We will be forever connected and I am so glad. Yes, this is my family. My brother Tony works long tough hours with his hands to support his family. He can read my mind and has the heart of a King. Debbie works with children and it is exactly what she needs to do. She takes care of even those who are cruel to her. Her heart is huge! What a servant! Johnathan is a stud and loves life LOUD..cars, games and girls! He is so funny. Christopher is a helper...he loves to help. He stayed in the kitchen with me helping me clean up and he loves hugs. He wants you to know how much he loves you. Christina is the thinker and so creative like her father. She is beautiful and has grown into a very assured young woman. She wants to teach. She doesn't care how much trouble for so little money...it is her dream. There is Michael, the pursuer. Still searching but doesn't mind the challenge. He wants to be involved and takes care of his family. Steve the always comedian! He can make you laugh in the toughest situations. I have to say I always look at Steve as the baby....but when I saw him taking care of Dad so selflessly I told Jeff I have a new respect for him as a man! Thank you Steven! And then there is my own of course. I could type a book over Scott and his absolute respect, genuine care for those he loves. It is like he is years older than he is. Megan whose heart is full. She needs to know you are alright and won't stop until you are. They both GET it. They both are just the joy of my heart. Then of course there is my Jeff. Jeff is the kindest most selfless man I have ever met. He is so thoughtful. He can still my breath when he takes my hand and can stir my very soul when he can look at me like he does and I don't have to say a word. HE just knows. I am blessed beyond anything I can possible attempt to say. It all started of course from Jim and Doris Graves. My Mom and my Dad whose sacrificially loved us and through them, I have all I just stated. What a family! How was our Christmas Eve with my Mom. Oh we lived....cancer did not take a thing away from that evening!

Has it been that long?

Has it really been since the 10th that I have blogged? So many of my family members read this crazy thing to keep up with me and my family. My apologies but my life has been upside down. There is little time to breathe must less blog. But blogging is what I must do tonight on Christmas night as I try to gather some thoughts. Last night, we spent Christmas Eve with my family. My Mom knew this would be her last Christmas Eve with her family. It was on everyone's heart and yet for a moment a brief couple of hours there was no mention of cancer or of death. There was only laughter LOTS of laughter. And a fantastic "girls room only" talk that I know will be in mine, Debbie's, Brandi's and Megan's memories forever. My Momma would not let anyone in that room who well let's just say we reminded anyone with a certain body part that they were not allowed in the room! Like I said LOTS of laughter. And then I soaked up every bit of wisdom, reminiscing and passion. She loves her family so deeply. The night was perfect until she was leaving when she collapsed. Quickly we were reminded that her little body can't take much. The night was wonderful though even in spite such an ending. As I was preparing my Scott's and Megan's Christmas..the tears started but I shook them off...and replaced them with a wandering mind. I glanced at my beautiful Christmas tree and immediately found myself thinking of that first glorious Christmas. Not in a majestic silent night sort of way but in a practical sense. How absolutely surreal this must have been for Mary. If the bible is 100% true and there is no room for doubt then you believe as I do that God himself was the Father of this baby Mary was carrying. NOONE on earth could validate her story..noone. Yes, the baby (John the Baptist) leaped for joy in Elizabeth's belly but that could be dismissed as hysteria..who could truly defend this teenage girl's pregnancy? How she must have felt that night? How scared she must have been. I know at age 20 I didn't have the slightest idea what birth would feel like or how I would take care of this little one they called my son. But for this young woman in a far away land, with only her husband and a bunch of stinky animals how strange this must have been. Why her? Why him? She didn't have a clue what the next 33 years of her son's life would take him. But in this moment in this Holiest of moments, she was a teenager delivering her first born with all the pains, tears, joy and anticipation any other first time mother would have except with one MAJOR exception. She would be the only woman ever to give birth a virgin. And so it began one silent night thousands of years ago. My Savior and My King was born. The same baby I am celebrating tonight being born is the same One who came down tonight to comfort me. The same one who came on this earth as a pauper blessed me with so many blessings. Celebrate the one that was born in a manger not with royal linens or with pomp and circumstance that He so richly deserved but arrived in a barn to a teenage Momma and a trusting Stepdad that we may have life and be rewarded in earthly death because of His undeserving death on a cross. O Holy Night the stars are brightly shining this is the night of our dear Savior's birth! Merry Christmas everyone!

What day is it?

It has been a very long time obviously since I have posted. My life has been topsy turvy for the past couple of weeks. My days have started running into each other. It seems the moments are piling up on top of each other. We have had family coming in to say goodbye to my Mom, preparing hospice, dealing with hospice, preparing work, preparing work, preparing family....preparing. Today, my Dad and I went to finalize arrangements. The blessing and curse of knowing approximately when is that you can prearrange everything where you won't have to deal it afterwards...the curse....well the same thing...dealing with it. Now, my precious, loving, courageous Mom still reads my blog so I will not mention today's happenings just to say that it is incredibly sad how much death has become a big business. It is infuriating that a group of actually really nice people try to act like they have known you forever. Don't get me wrong....extremely kind and compassionate people but quite frankly I don't want to know these people. I don't want to have anything to do with them. Afterwards, I was once again able to spend some precious time with my Mom. I am learning almost daily new things about her...about the woman who is my Mom. For instance...she lied on her wedding day to get married to my Dad...how romantic is that?? Yes...I did say romantic. Mixed in all the old school certificates and pictures I found my Mom's poetry. My Mom is a poet. It is so cool to read her thoughts on paper. She is really good! I know this will bring great comfort. If you read my blog for ANY reason please pray for my precious Mom......What cancer struck down, God will make whole and complete!

Yoda and Princess Leia to the rescue.....

Well, as you can tell by my blog below I didn't have a great week last week. My Mom had the worse week of her 2 1/2 year battle with cancer. She has slept in a chair for the past month, LITERALLY. She can not lay completely flat without being in miserable, gut wrenching pain. The pain is unbearable to watch. I can only imagine what it must feel like. Everything else in my life right now, whether trying or complicated pales in comparison to what she is is going through. She is so very brave and yet so very tired. Then, I said goodbye to a dear friend at work. Someone who has been very supportive during this time with my Mom. Also, last week my company began the weird transitioning of a buyout. New systems to learn, new people...oh the joy. Finally, last week I went back for round two of testing after receiving news I had an abnormal mammogram. Don't you love getting "ify" test results from your doctor. I wish we were not a "sue happy" society. Then maybe, doctors could doctor and just tell you how it is. I am not going to sue you so just give me my facts. It is sad that they have to protect themselves so much. By the way, seriously who the crap invented a mammogram machine? They place something that is not meant to be flat into a vice grip and keeping turning...THEN they say hold your breath. How can you breathe when your boobie is being flattened between two cold pieces of plastic? Lord honey, let me go.....they are going to blow! This is definitely something a man created! The ladies at this place were so very very nice but the chia tea and the plasm tv that play never ending scenes of the ocean and mountains are not erasing the fact that you squished me! For a very brief moment just being there was so surreal. Was I really there? Was I the patient? What the crap am I doing here? What if......? It is enough to make your head spin. I ran into one of the coolest ladies on the face of this earth. I love surprise presents from God. He is so awesome! In that moment, I realized there is another daughter out there hurting for her Mom....watching her Mom affected by this insane disease. But then my son came home with not one but two halloween outfits for our dog. I didn't think anything could turn off the questions going through my very spirit about my Mom, myself, my family...and life! But nothing makes you laugh like seeing your 50 lb. pitbull in a Princess Leia outfit. Oh thank you Scott. Noone makes me laugh like my sweet family. Poor Zoey....she looked at us as if to say "I thought you loved me". Such humilitation. Such fun! So what will this week hold? I am not sure...I am certainly learning not to waste energy thinking about too far in the future. Today is gift. Tomorrow...well..it will be here soon enough.

Which one is tougher the quiz or the test?

This has been a horrible week. Great way to start a blog I know.....sure I will keep reading......NOT. This has also been a very strange week. Do you want to know what it feels like? It feels like I have walked down the same flight of stairs forever yet this week I keep forgetting about that bottom step and tripping every time. No do not call for the straight jacket but I told someone today as we were crying saying goodbye that I felt like a big blob of jello. She said I was one of the strongest people she has ever met and I said I am glad you think that because right now I feel like a big blob of jello. I wasn't even going to blog tonight until I hung up from a conversation with my son. He is stressed because he has a test and quiz tomorrow that are both stressing him out. I said which one is worse? And then dawned on me that is exactly my life right now.....a test and a quiz. I have been down this road before you know a quiz.....a review of what you should already know but an indepth examination, well, that is a test. I have had those too. Made "A"s and I have failed miserably. Tomorrow I can't afford to fail either one. And yet no matter how hard I study I know at least one will not be the grade I desire. There is no extra credit, no second chance, no parent/teacher conference just the beginning of something so very horrible. Tomorrow I will undergo two tests.....both will determine my future. Both will determine my course. I don't want to take either one. I have studied for both. I know what to expect and yet I don't want to face them. I don't even want to show up for class. There are moments in life that I wonder what my Lord must think of my struggle...my doubt.....my perplexing spirit. I know the scriptures tell us He knows our beginning and our end. He know every hair on my head but I wonder when He made us so complex and yet frail...detailed and chaotic....He had to realize that we would short circuit. We are one jacked up, yearbook full of screwed up people...I wonder sometimes if He still marvels at His children's insecurity. He must smile at us knowing He has all the answers. He is the teacher with the answer key...HE knows the answers. I don't think He laughs at us in times like this...I think He hurts for us that we didn't study harder, skipped class or made fun of the teacher instead of learning. This blob of jello needs to pass Life 101..I need to look on someone's paper...please let me cheat I beg of you....this test...this quiz...is just too hard or could you at least grade on the curve.

OCTOBER 18, 1986 EPHESIANS 5:21-33

October 18, 1986: My Mom, my cousin Erin and myself headed out to Berclair Baptist Church. A very small chapel in Memphis that held no more than 200. 200 is exactly how many guests we had. Mom had delicately rolled my hair the night before. I still had rollers in my hair when we left that morning. When we arrived at the church we finished the last minute touches on the flowers and then headed to the dressing room. Jeff and his Dad hung out that morning, getting some breakfast and just be Dad and Son. We couldn't afford to get married. We couldn't afford to pay for our own wedding and yet we did. Six months...six months or planning and paying off the wedding we wanted that we had to have. It didn't make sense. Everyone told us...why don't you just go down to the justice of the peace. It is cheaper! Yet these two poor kids from the Kingsbury/Treadwell area wanted to get married in God's house. We were and still to this day were very much in love. Jeff wanted gray tuxes and I wanted a gown that "flowed".

We were nineteen....poor...underpaid...overworked.....ten dollars to our name but in love. We didn't know what the future held. We didn't care. We were in love. All we knew is that whatever life would throw at us we would face it together. We had seen how not to be married....how marriages don't work. I remember Jeff telling me that this was forever no matter what, this was forever. I remember taking his hand in front of all our family and realized the moment that I took his hand my hand stopped shaking. Still to this day no matter how scared I am everything is perfect in his arms. It was a beautiful ceremony that Jeff and I paid for ourselves. Every flower, every candle, everything we wore except for a handkerchief from my Grandmother and earrings that were borrowed. Jeff's Dad paid for the reception and Jeff's Grandmother made all the food. It was simple not elaborate but is was the most beautiful ceremony. It was the day I became Mrs. Jeff Balentine. I have never regretted, doubted, second guess or wondered for a moment how things could have been different. I can't imagine life without my man. Two wonderful children, 3 dogs (one stupid one, Bo of 13 1/2 years RIP and our ZOEY still with us) 15 fish (all dead) one mangy cat (no longer with us),one hamster (rest in peace Melanie) 5 apartments, two homes, three jobs for Jeff and 10 jobs later for me. We have seen friends divorced and die. We have fought disease and poverty. We have had one child to go off to school and get engaged. We have seen both of them grow up way too fast. 22 years of memories, laughter, sorrow, pain, misery, joy and unbelievable contentment and love. 22 years married to my Jeff. I am blessed. I am honored. I am grateful to be his wife. I am grateful to be married to the best man in the entire world.

You Learn Something New Everyday.....

So this was the big week! Megan was going on her first flight. Now for those who fly all the time you are probably thinking no big deal right? Well, for my 14 year old it was a HUGE deal. And I was proud of the fact that her Dad and I made sure it was exactly that. We flew to Chicago and then to Columbus. A little weird schedule I know but it was exactly what was meant to be. So many screw ups and mishaps and this town, this time, this hotel, this vacation was exactly what we needed. The first thing I noticed about Columbus was EVERYBODY seemed to be outside downtown. Everyone was walking around, walking their dogs, women and men jogging at night! Yes, I am from Memphis where you can't even run around your own living room in the middle of the day without fear of getting shot! So this was a shocker! Everyone was nice and kind. I didn't feel fearful. I felt at such ease. The highlight of the week was taking Jeff and Meg Meg to a rock concert. Now you would not think I was grateful for a nagging back but I must admit before the night was over I was praising God for that nagging back. On top of getting out of the "mosh" pit my lovely family was in the middle, the most amazing thing happen. I struck up a conversation with the band's manager whom invited me to sit and watch the show off to the side. The best seat in the house. Then I got to sit by the opening band's members and talk to them about this precious baby girl who has been such a helper and comforter to her Mom over the past couple of years. Who has acted older than her years and taken on extra responsibilities for her family. When the concert was over they spoiled her with attention, signed t-shirts and loads of pictures. It was a magical "Mom" moment. Well, if that wasn't enough while sitting in the lobby here came the same band through the doors. They were staying at the same hotel! I was quickly reminded that just because someone has tatoos, has long hair, sings in a rock band and jumps around on stage like a crazy man it doesn't mean they are drug addicts wanting to molest your daughters. In fact, as I talked to these young men I heard of young boys who miss their families, who HATE college kids who drink because of what they turn to, who are living their dreams. The most impressive thing they did after performing all night and shaking the hands of a thousand people...they called Megan by name. Do you know how that made her feel? Do you know how it makes people feel we are deliberately kind, thoughtful, focused on their needs? It touches a life possibly forever. Maybe some 20 to 25 years from now when Megan's child asked her did she and her parents do anything cool or memorable....I am sure a story will start..."well there was this one night in Columbus......".

Are we insane?

I just looked at the date of my last blog post which felt like just yesterday but here it is ALMOST October 10th (note the time 11:05 pm). My life has been a blur for the past couple of weeks and will not get any better any time soon. I have just now sat down to try to collect my thoughts, pay some bills, clean up the kitchen, feed the dog and try to go to bed sometime here shortly but my mind is just racing. I really do have too much going on in my life. Besides probably...well....THIS...blogging which allows me to organize some of those runaway thoughts..there is not alot I can purposely let go of right now. My life is well crazy! I don't know about you but it just seems life is going at "blur" speed every day. Was it just last month we were celebrating CHRISTMAS and now here it is again...the start of the trifecta holiday season. You know what I mean...Halloween on Aisle 7...Thanksgiving on the bottom shelf ready to go and CHRISTMAS TREES oh yes CHRISTMAS TREES already out for sale. I was struck with amazement while shopping that Halloween which is not until the 31st is ALREADY on clearance and CHRISTMAS is on standby. There are signs that LAST CHANCE for your Halloween supplies. SERIOUSLY???? We are in one of the worse financial diseased market...well ever...and you actually think marking down the "solar powered blood cover skull that is animated and says 142 gazillion different sayings" will get me to buy it. I need a few bags of candy (check) which I can get at any store YES even on October 31st! Have we lost our freakin' minds? Now I am THRILLED to death I bought gas today for $2.99 a gallon in Covington but I promise you I am not going to spend $150.00 on an animated "ring" girl who crawls on your floor and moans and groans. WHO THE HECK HAS THAT KIND OF MONEY TO WASTE? Lying politicians, gas prices out the roof, food prices soaring and let's spend money on Halloween SHEET SETS. This world has gone freakin' insane! Well I will stop ranting long enough to say if you want a lit up house on Halloween night don't come by my house, the most I will have to offer you is a little "mini" sized candy bar, well that is if I am even home! Good night!

Can you carry my load?

I know my blog has had a sorrowful tone here lately. I try so hard to keep pushing through all the mud and muck just to breathe some nice clean air for a short time. And trust me, sometimes the air is beautiful. A laugh with my beautiful daughter, a hug from my husband, long intelligent conversation with my son, lunch with friends, even just to look at your cellphone that you can't pick up and see someone who cares about you calling.....beautiful breath of life. There are times in my life right now I hear the sheet rock cracking. "Are you o.k.?", I am asked over and over. My response? Over and over....yeah I'm o.k. Don't get me wrong this is not one of those "come down from the ledge" blogs. I know painful and I know dark. I know fatigue and I know confusion. But I don't know hopeless and defeat. There is a difference. I think, especially Christians, believe we are suppose to face life's challenges with big ol' smiles on our face saying "God is love and there ain't nuttin' gonna get me down!" Oh yes, God is love...but babies die, cancer hits family members, stock markets tumble and ruin lives, people cheat and lie..life happens. It is in those moments we choose to look challenges straight in the eye and say "yes you scare me but you won't break me" or you can curl up in the fetal position and live your life in utter defeat. In the past twenty four hours, with my world spinning out of control, I have had three different people to say will you carry my load? Two just thrust their loads upon me but one asked me would I carry it? How could I refuse? I love this person so very much. Why would I not? But what if once you receive this "load" you don't want it. And as you analyze my thoughts please do not "overspiritualize" this and just say "God will help you carry it". I mean absolutely no blasphemy by this at all! He can do just that....my God can allow me to transfer the load given to me to Him. But this time I think He wants me to do more than just carry.....what it is I am suppose to do with this I am not sure. My husband can love me through this. My children can understand. But there is only one who can help me sort through all the mud and muck into that beautiful air that I so long to breath once again.

I Think It Very Strange

Have you ever noticed that just when you think everything is running well...the wheels on the bus COME OFF! It is just as it should be I guess. God reminds us there is time for everything....a season for everything. You will have your moments of rest just in time to rest up for the fight. I guess it is no surprise that the older I get the more it doesn't take me by surprise anymore. I know in my times of rest that I should do just that because I am being energized for a reason. But another thing that I notice the older I get (yes I am having one of those birthday reflections) is how STRANGE things are getting. I don't mean your average "weird" stupid moment days I mean everything gets a bit strange. I mean really really strange. For instance, I was going through my neighborhood Walmart and noticed this woman talking to herself and shopping in the general area I was shopping. No big deal right? She kept on talking getting louder and louder again walking in my general direction. I thought she just has one of those "bluetooth" devices on and so I ignored her. She then caught my eye and said "hey I am talking to you!" The first thing I noticed...NO BLUETOOTH.....so I said "oh so sorry how can I help you?" She then looked rather annoyed at me and said "I'm not talking to you!"...there was noone else around.....so I went in the other direction fast! There has been a whole week of weirdo moments....I told my husband I think I am wearing "freak" perfume. Every weirdo, crackhead, lunatic and average "I smoked that way too much" person has been lured in my path this week from the scent. Now I know you probably think I am going to end this post in some warm and fuzzy way! I wish I could tell you that I have been brave and faced the crazies head on with some wonderful poetic calmness. No way! I really just want to stay in the confines of my sweet "freakfree" home and enjoy those around me who are just naturally crazy! Good night!

41 YEARS AGO......

Whew! What a day! It all started real early this morning. I walked out of bedroom with streamers, signs and love. I have literally been showered in love and generosity. The day progressed with a special breakfast with my daughter and then picked up my Mom to a full day of Dr. this and Dr. that. No matter where we are going I love the road trip there. We have the best talks about EVERYTHING. And then we arrive at whatever doctor is on the agenda and begin battle mode. Have you ever noticed that with the exception here and there....all doctor's offices smell the same. Maybe it is all the gloves, plastic, alcohol and other "medical" stuff but there is a similar smell that trust me I am sick of and I can only guess my Mom most definitely is sick of. She is always gracious though. She is always smiling. She is always grateful to everyone who draws her blood to??? Every nurse, secretary, and doctor gets the sweetest disposition. Me? I hated the fact that my Mom, my sweet sweet Momma has lost all privacy. I was looking at her today really looking at her and realized 41 years ago she was giving me life....today she is fighting for hers. How crazy is that? Believe me, I still trust in One the only ONE who can part the seas and move mountains. My faith has not been shaken but my heart aches for the sick and poor in health. I know we will all have a vehicle called ______ to journey back to the Creator. I just don't like the ride of cancer. It is vile, it is ugly, it is invading, it is life changing but it can not touch the spirit. I am blown away at her resolve, her peace, her intelligence over her own destiny, her battles, her surrenders. She is truly a remarkable and outstanding lady who just happens to be my Mom. The rest of this day was shared with 2 out of 4 of my favorite people in the world. Alot of laughter, presents and great food but more importantly love...unconditional, beautiful, consuming, life changing LOVE. This love is my refuge, my support, my shelter when the day is long. If you read my blog for whatever reason pray for a sweet little southern lady named Doris, my Mom, my hero.

What is your passion?

What truly is your passion? What is the first thing that comes to mind when you think of passion? YEA I KNOW...the dictionary gives several definitions to include strong sexual desire and lust but I am speaking of the definition that says "boundless enthusiasm" (I love that meaning) or "the object of your love, fervor or fire"! Wow what is your passion like that? There is so much that I could label AS my passion but what do I truly want, need to be passionate about. Positively, I could say that my family, my precious husband, my children to include my daughter in law. They are my passion. I am passionate about what they are doing, how they are, their needs, their dreams, their well being. I LOVE MY FAMILY!! There is alot of things I could say I love. I love to read, I love to BLOG, I love to cook, I love to hang out with my friends, I LOVE politics....but passionate? How about my career? I am loving the direction I am going, the training and educating they are sending me to...but again passionate? And then I read of women and men of old who were passionate about our Savior. I see teenagers who are literally enthusiastic about our Lord. Can I really say I am passionate about the things of God? Would I rather have a wonderful nap on Saturday afternoon or join my church to go down to the Hollywood Section of my inner city to tutor inner city kids? Would I rather sit down to a new cookbook or pour the living word of God over my life? How about my Savior? What was HE passionate about? Well that is easy, ME! Boundless enthusiasm and the object of His love was ME was YOU! And yet I am not talking to anyone but me that I need to be deliberate in being passionate about my Lord. It is so easy when you truly start analyzing what He has saved me from, what He has blessed with me, what He is doing in my life even when I do not acknowledge His presence..He is still there! Oh Lord please forgive me for my lack of fervor, fire and passion of the only thing that truly matters!

My Crazy Week

Wow! What a week. This has been the longest "short" week! It ended on such a great note. My Mom, Dad and brother joined us to take a quick trip to Starkville to visit Scott and Brandi. Their residences were great and very clean:) Jeff reminded me as we were driving down that we were going to "Scott's turf". What he meant by that was to keep in mind that we were actually going to Scott's home away from home and how we should allow him to be the host. He was so right! Scott and Brandi took all us to their favorite restaurant and all their favorite places. It meant SO much to my Mom and Dad to be able to visualize where Scott lived. Mom soaked up every minute. It made for a very fun day! She tired quickly but she wouldn't have traded that day for anything! I could not be prouder of these two. Not only are they doing so well in school but they are doing well in life! They have routine and take care of each other. We also went to one of their favorite places x 3! We went to three different "Dirt Cheap". Dirt Cheap is a bargain hunter's dream! It is basically one huge yard sale! When you return something to Walmart without the box do you know where it goes? Dirt Cheap....along with every thing from stores that didn't sell or the box was damaged or maybe a baby doll is missing a hand....CREEPYYYYY. It is hilarious to see some of the things that is in this store. There was the scary "satan" picture as well as the MP3 player that doesn't work....oh and my personal favorite...the empty box without ANYTHING in it! But you can get it for 90% off!!! Did I purchase anything? Well of course...how could you not? Scott got a new chair, Zoey got a new zebra print dog bed (so chic') and Megan got an "egg" alarm clock that changes colors. Oh yes....yes she did! What we got more than anything was ALOT of laughter!! What a great day!

Who do you work for?

I first must start by wishing a lot of Happies! Happy Birthday to the best Mom ever and Happy Birthday to my beautiful niece, Christina who shares her Nana's birthday with her own (a few short years apart). Happy Labor Day to everyone! Thank you for all the hard working people in my life who because of your long days at factories, fields and various other places made my life better! Thank you! Which brings me to a question asked of me this morning.....who was your favorite Boss? I have to admit I have worked for some losers and winners. I have worked for women and men both older than me and younger. I have worked for arrogant know it alls and some very selfless people. I have worked under people whom I admired and poured into my life and gave me opportunities to learn more than I ever would have in "formal" education. And yet, I have worked for people whom I pitied because they were so disconnected and spoiled that they could not love those around them well much less their employees. And who were truly awful people so that made them truly awful bosses. So for all you "employers" out there cherish the great employees God has given you. Don't abuse them! Teach them! Correct them (yes!)...it is your neck on the line but make them better people for the correction. Furthermore, remember they are real people with real lives, real families and really want to do a great job for you. And for the employees...remember we are to submit to even the most aggravating of authorities. (I didn't say roll over, bend over or lower your standards to theirs). However, remember they also have real pressures, real lives, real families as well. So the answer to the question? Of course the number one person I work for is my Lord and Savior who has placed me in every employment for a reason. I then work for my family to give them a better life. Then I work for myself to hopefully make my company better for my employment than worse. Who was my favorite? Oh, I have been blessed with working with doctors who performed very expensive procedures for nothing, whom made sure my family was taken care of and still to this day checks on them. I have worked for professional women who understand what it is like to be a working woman and did not make me feel guilty for "school performances" or that "dreaded call from the school nurse". I have worked for a kind and gentle music minister whom made sure to put my family before any work and didn't mind doing the grunt work to help me. I NOW work for another professional woman whom truly is a friend before employer. Do I have a favorite? Not really. I am just grateful for those I named above. Who truly GET IT! My life is richer for your leadership. Happy Labor Day everybody!

What is wrong with somewhere in the middle?

Have you ever noticed during an election year, the "media" which is always liberal and for the democrat candidate period.....will start labeling people. Conservatives are racists freaks and the democrats are the only ones who have a brain because they are the only open minded ones. I was sitting there watching the most liberal of liberal CNN and wanting to throw something at the TV over Sarah Palin. Do you know right now I love America more than ever? The stupid moron journalists really don't get what the average "joe" American is getting......no matter what we will make history in November. We WILL have either the first African-American President OR we will (hallelujah) have a woman in the White House. O.k......begin ranting......why is it whether in the home, workplace or politics...if you are woman who is intelligent, professional, progressive, hard working you are a b*&^$. I am thrilled beyond words that my daughter (someone also with an opinion and a mind of her own) is watching history in the making. I am pumped. I am excited! There are moments that have shaped America forever I do believe this one we will look back on and see a major shift in America (no matter how you vote). So where do I stand? I have always been a card carrying Conservative. The older I get the more my convictions are not so cut and dry. HEAR ME....there are some issues I will not sway on because they are based on the WORD OF GOD! The MOMENT OF CONCEPTION IS THE MOMENT OF LIFE! But you know before then YOU WERE ALREADY THOUGHT OF. I DO BELIEVE in the right for a man or WOMAN to bear arms and protect themselves. Now more than ever considering where I live. I DO BELIEVE in the equality of MEN AND WOMEN no matter the skin color, religion or sexual orientation. That is where I think I draw more of a moderate side to what I believe. I do believe in the American dream and I believe the only thing that should matter in the interview process of a career is if you are QUALIFIED for the job..... Alot of my conservative friends would probably disagree with me. I could go on and on about what I WILL NOT SWAY ON but I must admit there are truly social issues that I think we need correcting. HEALTHCARE IS A HUGE issue for me. I DO NOT BELIEVE IN SOCIALIZED MEDICINE because I have worked in the healthcare field for 20 years...I have seen it work at it's best and I have seen it at it's worse. I have seen the rich guy (who didn't even have his insurance billed) receive the best care and I have seen tests not ordered for the poor (both black AND white). That is why I am pumped about this election. But FOR GOODNESS SAKES MEDIA.....open the floor for true debate. Quick worshiping your candidate and allow this beautiful free process of AMERICA THE HOME OF FREE AND BRAVE to play out. ALLOW WE THE PEOPLE TO MAKE OUR DECISION. And again, no matter what AMERICA get pumped you are watching history unfold right before your eyes!

Don't eat that you will get man boobs!

I absolutely love to laugh. Whether it is my daughter's wonderful second language, her brother and her together, commercials on TV or just the thought of my friend Shelia saying "happy place, happy place, happy place". It doesn't take much for me to laugh. It is something in my life that is consistent. I know that no matter how bad a day I will come home and SOMEBODY will say something, move, dance, make a noise that will make me bust out laughing. I guess that is why God says it is the best medicine! Take for instance today, it was a rather stressful day. There is just a lot of heartache in the this world, my inner circle, my family, my friends....a lot of pain. It doesn't take much for me to get overwhelmed in grief and overcome with sadness over so much pain. I think we SHOULD feel.....be sympathetic to those around us who are hurting, give a shoulder, money, advice maybe just simply be there. Have you noticed or is it just me how much cancer there is around...how much disease. Just today two more people I know got this devastating diagnosis. Yes, I know it is not always a death sentence but it is a life sentence no matter what! So when it is too much, I must admit, that when it is simply too much I literally run home to the ones I know will get me laughing in seconds flat! It is a look, a hug that is a little longer than normal...there is a moment in my sweet family where they pick up on the fact I need the world to go away and the laughter and love to begin! So tonight, as my very slender, very in shape husband reached for chocolate and pretzels my daughter said "don't eat that you will get man boobs!" and the laughter, payback, tickling and utter silliness began!

Saying Goodbye

I can't believe once again the moment has come for my oldest to go back to school. I have watched him turn from an unsure, not so steady on the feet young teen to a strong, capable, confident, assured man. It feels like this process took forever and yet as I watched him pack up his car to return back to Starkville, it felt like a second had passed since he was a small child. There is something so awful about saying goodbye. I saw a Mom and Dad do it yesterday as they watched their oldest go down the aisle into the arms of the man she loved. Things will never be the same again. The wedding was beautiful and Liz was such a gorgeous bride but I couldn't help but watch Pat and Chet's face. Their little girl will now live somewhere else, have her own dreams, turn to her husband instead of them for MOST things. AS IT SHOULD BE, I KNOW, but still so sad to a Mom still so sad. I watched another Mother dance with her son for the Mom/Son dance. He smiled, a bit embarrassed by his Mom's tears, and yet she cried anyway. I can understand her tears. I watched as a teenage girl who is so desperate to spend just a few more moments with her brother asked to stay with him, drive home with him, be with him. She doesn't want to say goodbye. So, today I said goodbye to my little boy once again. I am so proud. I am so excited for him. He is doing EXACTLY what he needs to do...and yet as I watched him go down the driveway my mind immediately went back to a little boy who dressed in a power ranger outfit begged me not to go to work one day..."Please don't go Mommy...I miss you so when you are gone." I know exactly how that little boy felt.

Totally insane.......

Yes, I am doing one of those random/ review things...because I have not blogged all week and my mind is just spinning.
1. What Olympic Judging School do you go to to judge like these ignorant judges?
2. Did you see the weightlifting guy who turned his elbow inside out? OWWWWWWWWW
3. I absolutely hate the stupid Pizza Hut commercial where the girl acts all french....STUPID!!
4. Tomorrow I will attend Brandi's sister wedding and it occurred to me that unless Val beats them to it, the next wedding I will attend from that family will be Scott and Brandi's wedding. Wow!
5. I can't believe Scott goes back to school this weekend. Where did the Summer go? It makes me want to cry. I will miss him so much!
6. My girl is absolutely AMAZING on the vibraphone? If you don't know attend a BHS game and let her turn you into a fan.
7. After 7 months of work, I called in sick yesterday. I wanted to go a whole year without a sick day....URGGGGHH
8. My husband is the most incredible man in the entire world.
9. My Mom is one of the funniest "proper" people I have ever met.
10. My Megan and Ashleigh have a language all their own....the last conversation they had mentioned milking camels and what is Ash's Dad really was a woman. THEY CRACK ME FLAT UP!
11. I can not quit listening to Passion's God of This City CD!! Tomlin is just amazing!
12. I love my church and can't wait til Sunday. I didn't see anyone from my old church until lately and now I am seeing EVERYBODY! Wow! Where did they come from?
13. I have a friend at work that I never saw coming. She is black and as you know I am white...and we are 100% comfortable with each other. She can dare to be herself and I can too without reservation. I am so grateful where God is taking me. Oh so grateful.
14. I am making an AWESOME dinner tonight for my family!

Later!!! Gotta cook!

I love these moments

This was on of the weekends that will stay in my mind and heart as a great memory. Scott and Jeff headed south to move Scott's back into Mississippi State. I guess it didn't break my heart as much because he actually brought Scott back home with him. Brandi's sister is getting married this weekend so the kids get to stay one more week. One more week.......in this last week....the extra laundry doesn't bother me, or the fact that he leaves his clothes sitting around like the rapture occurred. NO not this week. Well, while the men were away the ladies played. Actually, we went to Liz's wedding shower and then hung out. I absolutely love hanging with my daughter. So much is biding for her attention, and Mom will slowly go to the bottom of the list. But, for one weekend I was Queen! When nothing else is louder than me, we can have the best talks. She is growing up to be so compassionate, funny and discerning. The one thing that blew my mind was that I heard her saying things like me. She would respond to people as I would respond to people. It hit me like a clap of thunder that I am instilling in her some of my ways...both good and bad. This weekend, I was so proud of the fact she has developed my concern for the older generation. She has developed my concern for people who have that "look" on their face of discouragement. She has become a people watcher. To end this great weekend we attended church where we started a brand new series called Parenthood. Our Pastor was so funny. If you were not there you would not understand any of this but you must ask for chocolate covered oreos, YES I do know the song "Delta Dawn..what's that flower you have on" AND we only have a window, a very small window to instill in our children, our generation's love of Jesus.....and the window is closed and they open their own beliefs, prejudices, successes, etc. Oh Lord....I want a wide open window with my precious daughter. I am thankful for the talks, I am thankful for the hugs, and the "you are the greatest Mom."I am grateful for a husband of 21 years who shows my daughter how a husband MUST be. Oh Lord I am grateful. I loved this weekend!

82, 41, 33, 27.........

82, 41, 33, 27.....These are the ages of the people in my life that I found out had cancer this week. Those are the ages of people who will forever be changed. Two men and two ladies. I find myself shocked, still, even going through all my Mom has gone through. Seeing the waiting room packed every time I am at West. I am still awed as I watch a life changed forever because of cancer. After your breath is taken away, you have that numbing moment....you know not really got your breath back and just beginning to feel the sting. And four different times, talking to four different families I relived the moment our family was changed. There is a distinct look on a family face, it is a look of being lost, out of focus, nothing seems real. Everyone is going about their every day life, but you are in a fog trying to imagine if life will ever be the same again. I think one of the most real statements said to me by one of these precious families was "I never thought we would end up like this...this just hit us out of nowhere." And of course, there from the beginning, whether you believe or not..is God. It is amazing to me, how much you talk about Him in moments like this. With 3 of 4 of these amazing families, I had never talked about God more than talking about loving church this weekend, or how He is blessing my family. But a dead serious discussion about God didn't happen until things got dead serious. I am quickly reminded that there is a purpose in everything good and bad. God is with us in these drastic moments but He also wants us to use these drastic moments for His glory..for His purpose...for Him. A Grandfather, a father, two husbands, a farmer, a businessman, a new wife, a mother, a church secretary, a daughter, a student, college graduate, politician....four cancer patients....four families with one huge thing in common....common ground...united in a battle for their lives against the same enemy in different forms. As my Mom would say, it is not a time for sleep you must get up and fight.

Breaking dawn......LITERALLY

O.k. so the latest craze in this whole world is the Stephanie Meyer's Twilight series. My daughter and all her friends absolutely love it. I love my daughter loves to read anything and everything. Thank you to all the authors out there who are writing relative books for these young girls. Well, this Friday night was the premiere @ midnight (so that would make it actually Saturday) of the latest of the series "Breaking Dawn". Now, let me side track just for a moment. One of my very friends rebuked me for allowing my daughter to read a Vampire series. This same friend went to go see The Dark Knight and talked about how wonderful it was and wanted to see it again and again. Now...(she knows I am mentioning this by the way)....here is how I won the debate...IT IS ALL ENTERTAINMENT. So, when you see a man dressed in a purple suit with distorted make up walking down the street, I will tell my child to quit reading FICTION! Anyway...back to the premiere. Growing up in the Graves Home was different in alot of ways. My father was disabled and could not drive. My Mom never learned to drive (I don't blame her....crazy drivers) and so we walked or took the bus to where ever we wanted to go. I LOVED to read myself. My Mom knew this and knew that my favorite book was coming out. We saved up ( trust me very little money for extras). Our saving included bottles (yes you could get money from them) and looking for coins in the sewers (yes I did that too). Anyway, when I finally saved enough for my book...my Mom walked me to the store to buy it. Now when I say walked......we walked MILES to our nearest store. During this walk, we talked about EVERYTHING. I can still remember the talk, I can still remember the warmth of my Mom's hand. I do not remember being tired from the walk....as a matter of fact I don't remember it being trouble at all. Now for my Mom, who had worked all day in the house and had three other children to deal with...I am sure she can remember aching muscles. It is with this wonderful memory I wanted to create a memory for Megan. So, yes, I stayed up WAY past my bedtime and took Ashleigh and my Megan to the midnight party for this book at the Davis Kidd Bookstore. They did a wonderful job premiering this book! There was vampire smoothies, tons of giveaways (which Ashleigh won one) and then the final moment with the 10 second countdown. There is something about a new book that smells so good. After they came home, I gave them permission to stay up ALL night and read. About 4:00 a.m. I peeked in to see them both flipping pages. At 6:00 a.m. I peeked in and both were sound asleep and Megan with the book on her chest. At that moment I was proud of my Mom moment. The greatest part......Megan hugging me so tight and said "I will never forget this...you are the greatest Mom in the whole world!". Well, actually I am the second greatest Mom in the whole world but I did have SOOOO much fun!

Behold I am doing a new thing

O.k. so today was wonderful in so many ways...and heartbreaking in others. The day I have been looking forward to for weeks finally arrived. I got to see my two best friends in the entire world. It seemed like they arrived and then they left. We sat for a long time but it felt like 5 minutes. Here is my HUGE confession, I was so upset after I watched them drive away. They would be in the same car having a conversation about me. Once back at the office, they could go into each other office and talk about how much weight I have gained....ok THEY BETTER NOT HAVE DONE THAT! But you get my point...they were together and I was off in my new world. So, here is what I did. I got back to my office and began to DEAL with the Everlasting! Oh yes, I can hear those seasoned Christians saying "ARE YOU AN IDIOT" Well, yep, I decided to deal with my Savior. Here is the deal I WANT TO FEEL SORRY FOR MYSELF JUST FOR A MOMENT...I DON'T WANT SOME LIFE LESSON TO PULL ME OUT OF IT, I JUST WANT A FLAT OUT PITY PARTY O.K.??? But here is the REAL DEAL....The "GREAT I AM" don't deal. So, I walk into my office and straight into my friend and coworker. I am alone with her for no less than 2 minutes when it dawns on me that she left the office today to be with her son who might not get good news....and he didn't. (nope...I am not going to do it....I am feeling sorry for ME)...and then I went into my office and my mind and heart wandered to a former coworker and friend who just lost his sister and how I know he is hurting. Don't get me wrong...my heart does ache for him....but I in my wicked self shook it off.....and decided to feel sorry for myself even more because I was not there to comfort him (HOW PSYCHO IS THAT)....AND THEN literally 5 seconds later....a friend called who has was planning their annual hunting trip for her husband and their son...when she realized for the first year of his life...he would not be with his father this year on this trip because their freshman college bound son will be 6 hours away. It broke her heart and she could not breathe with heartwrenching pain. She wanted her friend (ME) to remind her how I got over saying goodbye to my freshman. OK DID ANYONE TELL MY FRIEND THAT I WAS HAVING A PITY PARTY AND TO QUIT ASKING FOR COMPASSION FROM ME? GEEEZZZ...... And then LITERALLY (No I am not making this up) another coworker called who was only going to take a day off work because of a biopsy...that turned into a whole lot more! And in that moment...I realize.....I broke....I wondered why my Lord puts up with me....and the absolute truth went through my mind almost like someone pushed a button "I am doing something new Theresa...I need you here...quit feeling sorry for yourself and get to work. Reminding the hopeless there is hope. Giving love and compassion as I was given love and compassion even in my ugliness. Giving a shoulder...feeling someone else's pain. No the Lord does not deal but He does DEAL you a dose of reality HIS reality..............that life is short....let's get busy...there is a dying world out there that needs HIM! To my two sweet, precious, beautiful friends thank you for a wonderful lunch and for a moment to be in your presence for the laughter and for all love you give so freely! I love you!

FRESH SHEETS

Well this was definitely a Monday! I was so busy at work that when I looked down at the clock I had worked 30 minutes over and I didn't even know it! I love how fast Mondays fly. I picked up the band student, got home, kissed the husband, patted the dog, watered the tomatoes, cooked the dinner, cleaned up the dinner and then proceeded to start washing sheets. I was going to wash them yesterday but the day was too exciting to work. Church, Buffalo Wild Wings, Trivia, Shopping and Downtown. Who could wash clothes? But I am glad I am washing them today. What is it about laying down on sheets straight out of the dryer. I washed and dried Megan's first. She literally followed me from the dryer just to help me put the sheets back on her bed and then PLOP! She dove in to the bed. It is just so wonderful! My sheets are in the dryer (I may have to turn in early just because tonight). I know alot of conversation about sheets but as you can tell right now it doesn't take much to make my day! The rest of this week is going to be great as well. I am so looking forward to this week. I WILL GET TO SEE TWO OF THE GREATEST GALS ON THE FACE OF THIS EARTH THIS WEEK. I can't wait. There will be laughter, serious conversation and the best chicken salad I think anywhere. It is almost like I am going to a great conference. These two ladies are so intelligent and have so much in sight. I long to get their advice and hopefully give a little something that might help. Who knows? All I know is that I get to see my FRIENDS!! Then Megan and a whole car load of friends are going to try AXIS. It is her new youth group. I am glad she is excited. Then this weekend it is Meet the Band Night and then we get to see HILLSONG! I love weeks like this...so much to look forward to! Well, I just heard my dryer clicking off......uh........GOOD NIGHT!

It is time to stand up!

Well I am sitting here watching the Wizard of Oz (for about the millionth time in my lifetime), very happy and content. We had the best worship service we have attended in a very very long time. The music was wonderful...and the sermon was literally like a treasure. It was exactly what Jeff and I needed to hear. Pastor John was preaching on Hannah. I don't know how many times I have read that passage and didn't think twice about the fact that they were eating and drinking. Well, everyone but Hannah. She had a hunger only God could fill. Again, what a word! If you want to hear a message that will change your life forever and also hit you right where you are right now....go to Lifechurch of Memphis and request today's message. Thank you Hannah that thousands of years later, your story reminds me, no matter what people think sometimes God says STAND UP!

Well....we're off to see the Wizard.......

Monday madness, rockband, and such

I am sitting in my living room watching my three warriors playing Rockband. Megan is irritating the crap out of her brother making "dolphin" noises. Trust me, it is worse than four hands of fingernails on the chalkboard. Jeff and I are laughing are heads off. Today was a crazy day! Monday at work is payroll day. It is when I process payroll for over 177 hourly and 30 salaried people. The only thing I truly love about Monday is when you start you are done. It FLIES by!

Speaking of Monday madness, when I signed on to my blog I had a lot more comments than normal. I have family who read my blog from out of town and in town. I have several "random" people who found my blog while searching. It is so cool. One particular lady searched for blogs pertaining to cancer. She writes a great blog journaling her own experiences. She says she loves "my energy." I have friends who read it to keep up with me. My Mom reads it because she says "she can read what I don't type". That is truly an amazing statement to me. ! Thank you Momma for KNOWING me that much and loving me. But it NEVER fails.....if I blog for days about the craziness of my days, my remarkable kids, my job or a mole named Humphrey's and the comments will dwindle down. But let me mention one particular place and it is like someone turned on the faucet. My numbers will triple in 24 hours and the comments will be like someone drooling. I am thankful that the comments are encouraging and sad all at the same time. They truly feel they don't have a voice as well. Then, I truly believe some people read my blog waiting on me to "trip up" or say something stupid. TRUST ME....read any of my past blogs about wedgies, poop or moles named Humphrey and STUPID will be the main subject. But if you are truly reading it for destruction and to hurt people.....DON'T! I do not openly bleed for you. I do not bare my soul for you. I do not jot my most personal thoughts for you. One of the comments made was by someone legitimately from across country. She tunes in for all the looney blogs. She loves the fact I will blog about anything! I blog how I live wide open....and I wouldn't have it any other way. On a lighter note, do you know what brought one of the greatest laugh in the house tonight....a commercial for stool softener. Oh yes, I did say stool softener. Why is it that everyone who has either taken a laxative or some other med like this....have big ol' smiles on their face...shaking everyone's hands! Seriously.....do you go around shaking everyone's hands after taking a stool softener? What are you saying to them......"Hey George, how are you man....I just took a crap!" It didn't helping my aching sides from laughing that the commercial came on TWICE in a matter of minutes. I told you if you want STUPID just give me 5 minutes!

What a weekend!

Absolutely loved this weekend! I had a couple of days off work and it feels like a year since I have been to work. So much accomplished in a short amount of time. Jeff and I created a flower bed on Thursday. Date with the hubby on Friday. School shopping on Saturday and THE DARK KNIGHT. What a great movie! I won't spoil it for all of you who haven't seen it but I will say Heath Ledger is my all time favorite Joker! He did a superb job...in making the twisted not the wicked believable. You feel sorry for the twisted. Yes he was scary and awful but the trick to playing twisted is getting the audience to love you. There is alot of great quotes in the movie that could apply to every day life. One of which was said by Alfred (Michael Caine). Urgh....can't spoil it! Just go watch it. Finally SUNDAY Church and visiting Jeff's Grandmother and Mom. What a wonderful visit. And may I just say Lifechurch was just that for me today...LIFE! The most incredible worship songs. As I am sitting there listening to the music I couldn't help but think of my friend Tommy Tucker. He could take an already superb worship band to the next level. He has so much soulful sophistication. My family agreed. The songs were amazing and then for a moment I didn't think we would hear from our Pastor. He was racing from a sermon in Collierville. He preaches one service on Saturday night and four on Sunday Morning. The church is already bursting at the seams! I don't know what is going to happen in the future. Why in the world would we want to drive so far for church? Come to ONE Lifechurch service and you will understand. I feel sorry for our Pastor. He is literally racing from service to service. Now don't get me wrong..five minutes into his sermon and you don't feel like he is racing but yet I feel sorry for the man. Five services and jammed pack and trust me you are doing something right! The sermon was on Hannah and Samuel. It was a message mixed with just the right amount of humor and straight forward gut wrenching honesty. It was of course on trials. In one, just out of one, or going into one...we will all have them until we see Christ. The one thing that got to me the most about the message. That AH-HA moment if you will. He said no matter how many we throw up our hands and say I give up, God never will until He completes the work He started in us. Now, I know the seasoned Christian are probably saying...DUH!! But he went on to say. So go ahead and fight...but fight the good fight. Go ahead and be faithless..God will still be faithful. Say I can't do no more...God will say Oh yes you can. It was just a great message. If you live in Memphis...the services are shown on NBC at 11:00 a.m. and 1:00 a.m. on Channel 3. For those of you who are struggling PLEASE set your tivos. It is a message worth hearing! The Youth are leaving tomorrow for the Dream House in St. Louis and some are leaving for Africa. There is also an enormous opportunity to do great things around Memphis in a mission experience called Serolution. Like I said great Sunday. We ended it by seeing Mama Judy and Mammaw and Jeff's baby sister, Shannon's new home. She was thoroughly proud of it and should be. It is a great first home. I welcomed Shannon into my life just 9 months before welcoming Scott. I feel like she is my own. I could see the pride in her face and smile over showing off all she has done! It makes me feel old watching one the baby birds having their own nest! Thank you my sweet Lord for such a great weekend!

Let the weekend begin and a very random post!

Looking forward to this weekend for a lot of different reasons. Enjoyed lunch with my hubby today! Thank you sweetie! I love Rafferty's! Took the day off to regroup and shopped til I dropped literally... Long story! It was nice getting a lot of stuff done! My list looked overwhelming this morning but now it has lines through everything! Whew!! Megan is at band camp and I know probably pretty hot right now! It is 99 degrees (in the shade) in Memphis. I wonder how hot it is marching on a concrete parking lot. A lot has happened this week as you can tell by my earlier post. I am just ready to breathe and enjoy some much needed time with my family. Once again the WHOLE family wants to go to the church we have been attending. Have you noticed I went from visiting to attending? It is the best worship service I have been to in a very long time, the excitement is contagious! As you can tell....this blog is totally spastic and random. It is like my mind right now! Oh one more thing I looking forward to...going to see Batman with my incredibly sexy husband! It is weird though thinking I will be watching someone on screen who is dead! How very tragic! O.k. now that I have typed this blog about 90 mph I will close with this...we will say last but certainly not least. One of the comments made regarding my below blog was the following statement. "Way to go...that is truth....you need to come back and speak more of that truth but I just can't" Here is my question...why can't you? Have they intimidated you that much? Do they have control that much? Do you not believe in yourself that much? Trust me....from the other side..freedom begins when you take off the shackles! This is my voice....my blog...if you feel that strongly.....SPEAK! Some can't and I understand why...it is maddening...but I understand why. Truly I do. But random members have every right and obligation to speak up if faced with the wrong. My beef (I can't believe I just typed that) is with the injustice to my friends. Hate me....love me.....I really don't care anymore....I just want to see those I love free! Wait one more thing...(I know!....decaf) I wanted to end on a great note. Welcome to this world Dillon Lee Fitzgerald! Born to two great parents and two great big brothers. Do you know that your first name will always be Olive! (It is a long story!)

When you really look inside

This is one of those posts that most won't have the slightest idea what I am talking about and others I hope will understand me a little better. I have had the hardest time this week, struggling with something so simple as picking up the phone. One of my dearest friends gave birth. This remarkable woman has ministered more to me than all 5 gazillion ministers combined at the church I was privileged to meet her at..and yet I keep putting the receiver down. How I would love to see her and her beautiful baby boy. Does she know I celebrated and praised God for her little one....and yet...... There is another lady who I know KNOWS that I love her and is in so much pain right now and I have picked up that phone just to put it down a thousand times. She has not said a word but I have heard from numerous people about the injustice to her husband and her family. When I truly look inside and allowed God to ooze out all that is rotten and horrible about me I come to only one conclusion....it hurts too much. I walked away where I would not have to continually be in that hurt. I know what I should do, what is RIGHT but it hurts too much. It hurts too much because I can't fix what is wrong. I walked away...they did not. Who is braver? Oh by far and without doubt THEY ARE! I turned my back and said no more. They decided to stick it out and try to make it work. And yet in their bravery they keep getting hurt. Where is the justice? I run into the single Mom that they let go, who is struggling. Who is working in the world she never wanted to work in making less money and struggling more. And then because a lot of my friends still go there, I hear over and over again how bad things are with the media, can't read the words, even the website has not updated in six months. GOOD INVESTMENT IN YOUR MONEY THERE FOLKS! My anger just spews! Different groups are dwindling down to nothing...and yet it is their fault that you have arrogantly come in and broke what never needing fixing! Then I hear about the faithful being pushed to the side and insulted and stepped on. And once again I can't fix it....it hurts too much. Let me pose this question.....if a Shepherd surrounds himself with a group who "yes" him and make him feel better about himself and give him and his family people to "hang" with....who is getting ministered to? The Shepherd or the sheep? Yes, sheep have those problems, troubles, woes and sorrows. Who is helping those who are hurting? I know I can hear one of those idiots now......ooooooh detrimental conduct......Theresa you walked away....How is walking away or failing to minister any different? Well, there is where my own personal struggle begins. In alot of ways I am no better. If I do not take up the cause of Christ without worrying how much it will cost. Again....struggling. However, if what I am being paid to do and what I have been called to do only amounts to having a good time with my closest friends then I have failed the call. And there is truly where my struggle continue. My anger remains. My hurt remains. I love my friends so much. And it is with that overwhelming love I get overwhelmed in their pain. I am a fixer. They are hurting....quit hurting them. It just can get maddening. It also makes me hurt for those who are in charge. What good you could do by simply loving....but I guess it is too high of a cost for you as well.

Lemon Lime Sneakers from Hong Kong

I know every mother is bias. Our kids are the greatest, most intelligent, compassionate, beautiful, blah blah blah. I hate to be the one to type it for you but my kids really are all of the above! Every once in awhile they will do something that literally makes my eyes water with pride. Take for instance, my Meg. Meg has been looking forward to band camp all Summer long. She was (by her teacher's award not mine) the top drummer of BMS last year. She leaves, eats, breathes, practices, studies, oozes drumming. She didn't think she would walk into band camp and just because she was MEGAN the rock star from BMS make the marching line filled with juniors and seniors, no she was not cocky about it at all. She felt she had worked all Summer to deserve a shot. She did the work. Trust me...we knew she did the work. SHE BEAT ON EVERYTHING. So today was the big day. FIRST DAY. I am going in there and strut my stuff. She walked in full of confidence and guess what happened? The Percussionist coach said o.k. You, you, you and you are on the marching line and you and you are going to play mirambas (if I am spelling that right). WHAT?? She said she could feel the tears but did not dare show them. Oh my tears well up just thinking how that must have felt with her. No shot? No try out? JUST BECAUSE I AM A GIRL? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? But then she did something very mature, very strong, very brave....she surrendered. The thought of not being able to play the instruments she had worked so hard and long to achieve...was overwhelming but at least she would be marching. In walked John...by her own admission (a Senior hottie) who would be her teacher for the next three weeks. She decided if this was the instrument she would play, she would give it 100%. Now for those of you who are wondering the mirambas are the xylophones with the big furry drumsticks. John patiently taught this freshman the routine. And low and behold, as my Lord will always do, He decided to give a spirit boost to the weary and reward her all at the same time. As the story goes, the Senior asked her "you think you got a raw deal don't you?" It turns out this position is only for the ones who have mastered the drums it also calls for a guaranteed solo with the SENIORS! The last text I had received from my baby girl had said "I am dying inside". I thought I would have this long faced sad child climb into the truck. And yet I had a laughing, tired, worn out, but very happy mature young woman climb into the truck. Call it what you will, perceptions, glass half full, optimistic, choosing to take the high road. Whatever. My girl rocks and I am not talking about the drums! She could have taken this day as a defeat but decided she was bigger than the problem that was trying to break her! How brave! I love you little Schwan! Oh....the title....Megan has been dying for lemon lime Nikes...the only place I could get them was from Hong Kong.. go figure.......It is near boring being me!

I SURRENDER

As you can tell by my last post I had a week. It is now Saturday and I am listening to my son and 4 of his friends including one from Hawaii who just flew in to hang with his friends. I am also listening to Megan and her best friend Ash painting faces on apples and name them and next to me laying out having a nap is the greatest man in the world. And my mind can't stop. They have it figured out. Just relax......so I surrender. I surrender to try to fix all the woes that I have absolutely no control over. I surrender trying to make everyone happy. It will wear you out. I surrender to the business of this world and have decide to roll over and nap with the greatest man in the world. I will not care about what is not getting done and concentrate and appreciate what is getting done.....rest! IF all that gets accomplish today is just that I consider it a success!!

What a week!

What a week! I don't know about you but I will be glad when this week is over! Too much work not enough time! This has been a fun week but not enough hours in my days. Some sort of meeting every night makes this lady tired. One of the meetings was my daughter's band meeting! I am really looking forward to being a Friday Nights Lights parent every week. There is something so contagious about small town football game night! After one of the meetings, I ran into someone whom I love dearly and reads my blog regularly. She goes to the church I use to work at and attend. There is something releasing about talking to someone who completely understands your pain and hurt. I am so sorry she is hurting. For so long I have been a major opponent of the new "church" however is it the new church or the stuck in our ways churches who are hurting more than they are helping. Seriously I was always the one who said.....these new style churches are not right.....What was I scared of? O.k., so you furnish a place and a message to bring someone to the knowledge that they need a loving, wonderful, compassionate, never failing Savior...Jesus Christ and then we fail them. How does that produce strong healthy relationships with our Lord. They give their hearts to our Lord (praise God) but their lives comes with baggage, troubles, failures, successes and pain. If they are too "sticky" or "icky" you push them aside. How are they going to trust a relationship with someone they can't see if we fail them with the relationship they can see? That is what several people did t0 this sweet lady, pushed her aside. Her life became a little complicated and the rumors started, gossip started and no one.....no one ministered. Why does God allow me to keep running into these people? Just to say, yes I understand...........or to smile, hug, love and point her to the One who will supply what no man or woman can supply. Oh we have to wake up...we truly gotta wake up! I am talking about myself as well. The more I am learning about the "new" church...I am starting to realize that the modern contemporary church is really reverting back to the very very "old" church. Hands on, color blind, life applying, relevant and pursuing. Pursuing? Do you mean invading? No! Pursuing....never giving up...no matter what goes on..you don't let go of the person or their circumstances. Lord help us to give unconditional love to those around us. Lord help me!

Humphrey

O.k. so last night was a major blast! I have never seen our neighborhood so smoky. EVERYONE was shooting fireworks. One of our neighbors had some serious artillery! I think my kids got mad I was looking at their fireworks instead of ours. But it was soooooo pretty...... Anyway, about 1 hour into our major Balentine Blow Out and Brandi and Scott saw something crawling from the garage and under Scott's car. The conversation went something like this.
Scott:........ummmmm Mom.....something just came out of the garage.
Theresa: what was it?
Scott: something with four legs and walking real slowly
Theresa: O.k.....where is it now?
Scott and Brandi: Under my car!
Jeff and Theresa: Move your car and we will get a flashlight
Scott: Crap NO! I am not getting near my car...you crazy!
Theresa: You wimp give me your keys I'll do it.
Anyway....the boy grew to be a man and moved his car. Underneath his car was a very scared mole. The sky looked like World War III and the air was literally a thick bloom of smoke. DO you blame the little thing. Well, Megan wanted to keep it. I threatened everyone's life if they touched it. Megan immediately named it (of course) Humphrey. Why? I don't know. It is my Megan. We placed it in a box and yes....the ever compassionate Balentines (minus me) drove it to the forest and let it free! It was nice knowing you if even for a brief time. Have a good life Humphrey!

Refered to Blog #

I love my husband. I truly adore this man. Tonight we were laughing our heads off grocery shopping. We saw "Willie Nelson" and a couple of oompa loopas. I literally have the greatest man on the face of this earth. He is in alot of pain right now! He has finished my beautiful floor! He can feel every muscle in his arms but it is done!! Again, greatest man in the world. It looks like something out of a design magazine! For those of you who have been sadly turned away from my upside down home....DINNER INVITATIONS ARE ON THE WAY! I can't wait to show all the hard work my husband AND my son did to create such a beautiful room!

Now back to the grocery shopping.....we were at our neighborhood Kroger when....YEP you guess it. Jeff said "Oh crap"....I said "refer to blog #........ For those of you who have no idea what I am talking about refer to my blog about running into opinionated, misguided, brash individuals in the grocery store. After we left these people, Jeff and I looked at each other and then started laughing! It is so refreshing to be FREE! Speaking of free, on the way home we were talking about the church we have been visiting and the prospect of actually starting to love it. The concept of this church is so modern family friendly. Every detail has been thought out or is continuing to adapt to the ever changing thing called life!

What big plans do we have for the fourth...well food, family, friends, fellowship and of course FIREWORKS! I absolutely love fireworks. We made our annual trip to hand over money and then come home and blow things up! How fun! There will be a lot of ooooooooohhhhh and awwwwwwww tomorrow night.

I know this has been a random blog but this has been a very random night. Well ROCKBAND and alot of caffeine to hang with the young ones awaits me! Happy Fourth everyone!

If it is entertainment you seek....

What a Sunday! Let me tell you..what an incredible worship service on Sunday. This is the first time in a long time that my entire family and extended family have been together at church. Well, let me tell you a secret. I was hoping and praying that church would be off the chain! Johnny and the praise team was wonderful! When you first see Johnny you see a black man with dreadlocks and think what is going to happen????....then he opens his mouth and you can help but get intoxicated in worship. We were jumping to Hillsong and we walked in to Beautiful Day by U2! Then I couldn't wait for my family to hear from God through the preaching......oh BUT WAIT....it is ONE PRAYER SUNDAY...which means...the Pastor will not be preaching... disappointed? Yes...the worship was just phenomenal and I could not believe they would not be able to hear the Pastor. Then with almost a calmness, a breeze, a sense of someone talking to me.... I had the eeriest and humbling thought come into my brain. "I am not in the entertainment business....I AM". I started to tear up...then the Pastor walked up and started singing. He said church let's get real and freely worship... the entire church was singing Fire fall down.....Come Lord fix this broken life...let your fire fall down. I watched the most amazing thing. See, at this particular church everything is obviously rehearsed. Not fakely rehearsed by no means. I just mean that they have everything down pat. They have to..they have three services! But, then I watched as praise members could not sing for tears and for literally being at the throne. Then we heard from Dr. Eddie Jones. What a timely and unbelievable message! Watch this, watch this, watch this...for those who were there...I know you are laughing right now. His message was on "What Godly thing do you love more than you love God....if you will freely give it up when He asks of you....you get to keep it! What an incredible message of Abraham and Issac. I love how the Pastor preaches but I must admit I am richer for hearing Dr. Jones this Sunday. We met new people who sat in front of us. Megan's best friend loved it!! When Ashleigh and Megan say "church was awesome" before even asking their opinion?? TO GOD BE THE GLORY! Brandi and Scott loved it enough to ask how they would continue to hear from church in Mississippi. Oh my Lord You are so great and Your ways are so mysterious yet perfect! Pray for the team that left Sunday to go to Brazil and my cousin Kathy Maze and her church will be heading to England in a couple of weeks! My heart could just sing! My family enjoyed church! My family worshipped at church! My family went to church!

Guess who I ran into?

This has been an interesting week. So sorry I haven't blogged in a while. There is a madness right after coming off of vacation. You know what I am taking about! Laundry to the ceiling, grocery shopping, exhaustion and then back to work! Speaking of shopping. I live in a small town in the middle of four small towns. I am always running into people that I know. If I tell my husband I am just running up to the grocery store and I will be right back just to return an hour later, the first question out of his mouth is...WHO DID YOU RUN IN TO? It seems the hottest spots in town to run into people is Lowe's, Kroger and Walmart. If I go north I run into everyone I work with now. If I shop in Atoka or Millington then I run into people I use to go to church with. This can be wonderful and sad all at the same time. I have to be honest with you, at first it was kind of awkward..what would I say...how would I react.... My Lord knows ME! Up until this past week I have only ran into controversial people with my husband by my side. I have ran into friends alone. I actually look for my Shelia Tucker at Lowe's now since we have ran into each other so many times! My Lord knew I needed back up for my fragile heart if it is someone who means harm or just wants to gossip. Well...until last week that is. My Lord took off the training wheels. Now, let me first tell you about a great experience I had and so did my daughter. It all started with an out of the blue email that hit Megan right when she needed it the most. She was struggling with trusting again. She was struggling with a heartache and then she got an email from a friend. A few days later we ran into her favorite Shaun and his wife at Target. What was remarkable about this "chance" meeting was that it was 100% normal. Shaun didn't ask any questions at least ones that didn't require laughter. He just wanted Megan to know he had been praying and that he loved her. Nothing controversial....quiet the opposite....like old times. He was his normal insane self. It made such an impact on a weary soul. I was so grateful for this encounter for my daughter. Since that meeting, she has done something she hasn't done in a long time....invited a friend to church with us Sunday. Why would this random encounter make such an impact? Because NO ONE has contacted this child since we left. A once active, there every time the doors were open, teenager who brought at least 4 kids with her every week all of a sudden stopped coming and cue the crickets! Nothing, nada....not a sound. It makes you not want to trust again..why should I? You really don't care do you? I am just a number. But to hear the words we miss you reminded Megan she was special to someone. Thanks Shaun for being a minister who actually ministers. Now my encounter....mine not so lovely. I went to our neighborhood grocery and ran into a couple that I truly do love. I was exhausted from work and did not feel like playing 20 questions but here I was walking to my car.....eyes meet...there is no turning back. There was common ground at first....love yous and miss yous. Then his questions were brutal....his questions were misguided....his questions showed the condition of his heart. Surely my family left because of........... And then I heard....... So what about.... He was spewing things about a former Pastor like a rabid dog. The same Pastor who dedicated an entire Sunday to this man's family and on more than one occasion supported him when he was at some very low points. Now, he was a morsel of gossip and slander. He was under a HUGE misconception of why we left. How sad....how very sad. I quickly loaded my groceries and then I did something I have not done in a long while when it came to conversation like this one...I smiled. Do you ever have those moments when you think back....you said the RIGHT thing instead of rewinding it all in your mind hoping you had said something else. I smiled with a still calm voice ( trust me that is not me....).....and fire off a response that stopped the slander and gossip. Then I was able with complete peace hug and give my love.....oh he still wanted to say more.....but it was so nice that I didn't fall prey to the trap. It saddens me greatly the misconceptions, half truths and lies that circulate. But that is ok......it is my job to be like Shaun and just give unconditional love when needed OR START SHOPPING IN SYBERIA!

Grateful

Dorothy was right there is no place like home. We are finally home. Have you ever noticed on the last day of vacation on that long trip home you concentrate on all the bad stuff. We went a wee little over budget, the traffic murder, it is hot, the girls are tired of the car, we have to pee, etc, etc, etc. And then just now as I was loading all these photos on my computer, I was overwhelmed with gratitude. Thank you Lord that even though I was a wee little bit over budget....I made memories to last a lifetime and I can still buy groceries tomorrow. Thank you that the traffic was murder...because slowing us down probably prevented some sort of calamity. Thank you for that breeze at sunset on the beach where I kissed the love of my life and talked as the ocean roared in our ears. The wave jumping til my muscle aches and playing frisbee with my husband! Thank you for those four children from 20 to 14 whom giggled, went crabbin', stayed up all night just to watch the sunrise, helped out, made memories of their own and well were just awesome! I don't know how to turn around the whole "pee" thing except thank you that we found decent places to stop. I am so very very grateful that even in the midst of the this economic crunch and other woes of this world, I spent an awesome, wonderful, fun filled week with the Balentines, Shaws and Thieleckes! Grateful Lord oh so grateful!

Tired, Refreshed, Burned, Happy, Content.....Vacation

As promised I am posting a few pictures. I will post more on facebook which is easier than the blog. More will be posted once we are home. The internet access here is so slow! All of the Balentines, Shaw and Thielecke are doing great! We are having a blast. So much laughter, great food, alligators, men and women in bathing suits they should not wear, a lack of sleep...oh I could go on and on. But for now.....here is a few!
Love to everyone at home!