Transformed.....I want either a Tat or a Trip...which one causes less pain?

I know it has been forever! Started blogging again tonight in hopes of trying to put some of rapid thoughts to paper and therefore get them out of my brain. My life has been a blur the past few months. My daughter turning sixteen, my son and future daughter in law graduating from college. The wedding just around the corner. I don't know if I am coming or going. But tonight...tonight I decided to be all about God and His business. From cooking dinner to bible study to finally dialing a phone I wanted to be all about Him. I called my sweet Aunt Yvonne tonight. I must admit over the past 1 1/2 years (yes I did say years) it has been difficult. She looks like (short and such a southern beauty), sounds likes (slow southern draw and the Jesus, Jesus, Jesus) my Mom. I don't know how many times I have picked up the phone to call her only to click the "phone off" button. Why? I don't want to talk about my Mom, I don't want to hear my Mom and I don't want to hurt. For those who still can't believe a year and a half later that somehow I can not get over this (for those who understand ....I love you and thank you). Well, I guess for those who can't, you are just not too close to your own Mom or Dad). Yesterday was Mother's Day, I went to some grassy lot in the middle of Oakland to listen to a wind chime and place the prettiest yellow flowers on her grave. I know she is not there. Yet, underneath that grass and those pretty yellow flowers is the shell that once was my Mom. I miss her smell. I miss her voice. I miss her wisdom, I miss her eyelashes ( they were so long and pretty). I miss how she would run her fingers through my hair and ask me how my day was. I miss my Mom. Two Mother's day down and I still hate Mother's Day commercials. They make me wanna throw something hard at the TV. I am sure Jeff would be quite upset with me if I threw something at the Samsung..... So tonight I was about God's business. No pat on the back necessary. I should have done this months ago. Because after hearing my Aunt's slow southern draw and listen to her talk about lovingly about her family, her sister and me...I felt like I had a big ol' hug from my Mama. We agreed in theory to talk once a week. Thank you Lord for gripping my spirit so tonight that I could not have gone to bed without speaking with this precious lady! You know that moment at the end of Cold Case where you see the ghost of whomever is dead for that particular episode smiling at the finality of it all. I could see my Mom smiling at the fact I was all about God's business tonight. So back to my rat race of a life. Did I mention my beautiful daughter turned sixteen. Why? Seriously..why must I allow her to drive on the road. People are not listening TO OPRAH! They are texting and talking and putting my teenager's life in jeopardy. Seriously QUIT IT! Did I mention my son and his future wife graduated from college? Oh yes.. they did. I know this must be such a load off of them...just to pick up another one.....MARRIAGE! Did I mention they are getting married? My Scott and my Brandi married? June 19th to be exact! It will be a gorgeous southern affair...outdoors and all. I got a dress....not if I could just suck out about 65 lbs before June 19th, I would be thrilled! But since that is NOT going to happen..Thank God for SPANK!!! NO it will not rain...thank you for asking! Whether it does or not at about 4:01ish she will walk down that aisle. My Scott will look at her and all her beauty and he won't be able to catch his breath. His heart will pound..they will both cry. And somewhere between 4:17ish and maybe 4;30ish...I will be a mother in law. A treasure she is. I want to be a great mother in law. I don't ever want to make her cry. I don't ever want her to feel offended. I don't ever want her to feel anything but accepted and loved. I want her to feel like she has a second Mom. I want Pat and Chet to be relieved that she has us in her life. Oh that is my prayer Lord! So with all that has happened I have been thinking I need a completely off the wall, romantic, news worthy, adventure of a life time trip or a tattoo?? Which one do you think would hurt less? Until next time....remember live life with no regrets because you didn't regret anything! Life is an adventure!

First Blog 2010

So this is my first blog of 2010! I can't believe it. So much has happened since my last blog. For those who are reading my blog to learn about me...well let's see I am about to have a driving sweet sixteen, two graduating College Seniors and a wedding in my very near future! It is going to be a great year! I have a whole load of topics I want to blog....passions if you will about me. So I hope you will join me in 2010 as we face this adventure together. Thanks for reading!