The funny thing about reflection

This has been a long day! No it is not filled with party dresses or the coolest New Year's Eve Party. It has been filled with doctor appointments all day long. I just now put my sick daughter to bed. She begged me to wake her up in the next couple of hours to celebrate New Year's but I don't think I will have the heart. She will just have to be upset with me. She is just so tired and resting too good. So now as I finally settle down for what is left of the day. I went straight to where I could find comfort...the Holy Indescribable, Precious Word of God. It amazes me that in the middle of all the other calamities going on in the World that my King speaks to me. As I allow His Words to speak to me, I am also reflecting on this past year. It has been exhausting, uplifting, changing, stomach churning, heartbreaking, tragic, wonderful, beautiful, poetic, unimaginable, triumphant, devastating......you get the picture. There is a certain amount of my life that feels like quicksand. I keep trying to reach for the branches on the side of this life smothering swamp but I can't reach them. Sometimes it feels like even those who love me are just watching me struggle. Now before you go and call Lakeside on me......I know He will not let my head go under and somehow through the struggle of staying afloat I will learn something. But as I am reflecting I can't help but beg my Savior to allow me to graduate. I don't think I made "A"s in all my classes by no means. I could have praised Him louder through the trials. There were so many needs I could have met instead of concentrating on my own. I could have laughed more and cried less. But today while I watched them poke my daughter's arm and take 4 tubes of blood. As she smiled and said "that didn't hurt a bit"......I couldn't help but pray quietly to my King....."your servant is so very tired." 2008 is fast approaching....a whole new year to make a difference....oh or maybe just for a moment for it to be different.

God bless the USA

O.k. is it too much to ask? My children and husband decided to pool their money and "give each other" one Christmas present this year. They have all been saving up for "RockBand", the latest, greatest thing in the video world craze. I must admit for the, count them, four days it has worked it has been wonderful! You get to play drums, play guitar and sing to the good ol' days of rock. It is a nice dose of escape in my reality right now. Then the guitar broke! When we got online to research the problem, it seems EVERYONE's guitar has broke. So instead of returning it to the store you must take an elevator to the lower depths of Hades to return the thing. They send you what is called "casket". NO LIE! Then you return your guitar and wait??????????? for them to send you a replacement guitar! Other people online have been waiting a month for their replacement. Some have resorted to try to fix the problem themselves which of course voids your warranty if you can't fix it. So....I got on the phone to order our "casket". I played several games on the computer, laid down with the cellphone on my ear, played with the dog, kissed my daughter goodnight, cleaned up the kitchen, balanced the checkbook, looked at my schedule for tomorrow, fed the dog, took my medicine, read some more of my book, talked with my husband.....FINALLY a real live person! After waiting 45 minutes for someone to come on the line you would think I would happy. SHE WASN'T SPEAKING ENGLISH. I had to laugh. She finally realize I was from Tennessee and proceeded to try to speak English to me. I had to spell every word to her. G-U-I-T-A-R......BROKE! We finally got on the same page and my "casket" is on it's way......creepy! After I hung up the phone, I realized with the way my life has been lately that I should not have been surprised at all! If you want to buy ROCKBAND....buyer beware...wait on the newer version some time after the first of the year.

Bless her heart.......

We are all guilty including myself of the doing the following.....ending an attack about someone or to someone with "with all due respect" or "bless her heart" or "I am just telling you this as a friend." You have to laugh! Take for instance what a "friend" said to me. Now, granted she will be reading this as well so I will start off by saying "with all due respect". This "friend" was reminding me that...well..... "they" are reading my blog. She also was shocked and a bit disappointed that my blog had taken on a "happier" tone lately. Now, I will stop laughing and get serious for a moment. First, I don't know who the "they" are. Are they little green men? Do they have six fingers on each hand? Again who is the "they"? That sounds so ominous. "They" are reading.... whhhaaaa haa (cue the horror music). O.k. second, definition of a "friend". One who stays closer than a sister or a brother through work chaos and also rejoices in the fact you found your daughter a dress...cries with you over your Mom. I have a few that I love like blood. They know who they are. Granted, I did start this blog out of frustration and anger. I am sure several are reading it waiting for that to erupt at any time. This person is obviously one of them. And apparently the "they" as well.....whoever "they" are. But in writing this blog an amazing thing happened. My longest friend from Mississippi started reading. My family in Mississippi started reading. A friend in Texas says she wants me to post more pictures of my kids and on and on. My friends will pray me through my frustrating moments (there will be more) and laugh with me at the silly ones to, including this one. If "they" are reading then they have learned that I am a complex human being. I cry out when injustice is before me, I trust few but care so very deeply for so many even those who hurt me. I adore my family yes even in the crazy times as they do me! Hopefully "they" have learned more about me. If you are only reading my blog waiting on me to either explode or fail....don't worry....I am sure I will give you plenty to judge me on. However, I really hope you read the crazy adventure known as my life and come along for the journey. Oh sorry I almost forgot....bless your heart I know you were just telling me this because you were being a "friend."

I don't about you but....

I am glad 2007 is coming to an end! Now granted I believe the start of 2008 will probably resemble 2007 in a lot of ways. My Mom is still in the fight of her life. I will still have to say goodbye again to my son shortly after the year begins. My daughter will still be the eighth grade, etc. But there is some things I do believe will change shortly after the year. This scare me and excites me all at the same time! My husband and I are praying over several big changes in our lives. It is wonderful to be married to someone who is like minded with you. Jeff and I disagree on very little. I am amazed that with the BIG STUFF we don't disagree at all. We share the same faith, same desire on how to raise our children, financially we both know where we want to be, our political thoughts are the same.......One mind...one future. That is what makes my future both exciting and scary. I know he will support me in whatever I decide to do and give me total freedom to pursue...well....whatever???? Now it is up to me. That is the scary part. I do not believe that I am too old to dream or to start over. As a matter of fact, I think I am a perfect age. I am not afraid of the unknown and yet what I do know scares me. I remember the burn! Therefore, I am not foolish enough to walk through doors I have already opened and shut in my youthful years. But yet I am stable enough and wise enough to pursue my heart's desires. I know this sounds like alot of jibberish. Here is what I have learned in 2007 that I hope I can form into logical words. I believe God sends you through complete chaos for several reasons. First, He will turn your life upside down to ground you. To make you realize what is important and what is not. He will also turn your life upside down to teach you to trust Him. In these times, the reason for the chaos is not always obvious. I have been through both this year. I am still in the middle of BOTH! That is something I don't expect to be any different in the start of 2008......COMPLETE CHAOS. However, I think I will pack lighter and be wiser for the journey!

Right before my eyes.......

Today was a good day. Megan has been nominated once again for the Homecoming Court. So it was girl's day out. I think she tried on 5 gazillion dresses. I took pictures of each and every one. "What do ya think Mom?" as she came out of the dressing rooms...twirling...around looking about 30! What do I think? I think you should be crawling around with the pacifier still in your mouth. And then here you are.......so beautiful! After literally 6 hours we found the one! The moment she came out of the dressing room I could tell by her face she had found the dress of her dreams. A long pink dress with spaghetti straps and backless! Yes....Dad was thrilled over that one! But it is elegant! It was made for her! Now let me tell you.....I am not ashamed to admit with finances being what they are we were looking for bargains. This dress was listed for $200.00! It was on sale for $100.00. Here is the best part....Megan said..."Mom we can't afford this....I will keep looking". What thirteen year old says that? So God honored her thoughtful heart! When we got to the cash register at David's Bridal it rang up $29.99! The manager said somebody is looking out for you! I even showed her the tag trying to be honest of course! She said well the cashier register doesn't lie! I loved what my daughter told her....."My Mom and I have found favor...God looooooves us! When you think everything is so wrong God shows you how some things....the most important things...are very right! Tomorrow....we must find shoes!!!

Christmas in rewind

Whew!!!!!! It is Wednesday morning, the day after Christmas. If there was something known as a Christmas hangover, I have it! I ate way too much! I got so much stuff that I know no one could afford this year. I laughed till my sides were aching. I guess you can say it was a major success. Here are some of the highlights in random order. The scary part of this rewind....it is all true.
1. When Megan was six years old she said "Oh My Goodness" like Shirley Temple about one of her presents.....SHE DID IT AGAIN THIS YEAR! I rock at getting my kids what they want!
2. The entire family jamming to "Dead or Alive" by Bon Jovi on Rockband! I was the lead singer...."I'm a cowboy". Good times! (If you don't have one of these..GET IT)
3. Jeff hitting 100% on Guitar Hero III...the boy can rock!
4. My oldest brother who is 46 and a cop getting the "doll' during Redneck Santa! That still cracks me up!
5. Dad and the can of SPAM! Ohhhh the moments we shared!
6. My sister in law introduced us to her new boyfriend. His name is Renegade. No, I am not joking.
7. I really liked Renegade. He was so cool to hang with at our house. Welcome to our crazy family!
8. Jeff spent quality time with his Dad. Thank you Lord.
9. Jeff really liked his present.
10. Scott and Mario.....they are tweens! I have the greatest 19 year old in the universe!
11. Brandi is already family and acts like one of us.
12. This is the humbling one....My Mom had a new cap for Christmas. It was cream colored. She has lost 80% of her hair now. Yet she is still so beautiful. She was so tired. She sat in the corner of my brother's house. It is not surprising and yet so mind blowing that each of us including grandchildren were constantly pointing to her while she tried to shut her eyes. It was like everyone needed assurance she was alright. My arm had never been poked so much. Theresa...look at Mom. Theresa is she o.k.? I am not complaining! I caught myself doing the same thing...staring at my Mom.
13. Mom laughed out loud so hard when Michael chose that doll! It was a wicked laugh too! Sorry Michael....so much fun at your expense!
14. I made a chess pie! Jeff said it tasted like Mammaw's. I am now a professional chef!
15. My children bought me two books. I have already read one of them! It was so good! I started yesterday morning and finished about midnight.
16. Zoey got a new baby and some "cookie" dog treats. She is in heaven! The baby is already slobbery.
In alot of ways this has been the best Christmas ever and the saddest. I guess that is why I am so exhausted. I don't know what the future holds. I am glad I am the child of the One who does. And here is what I am believing and holding on to. My life at this very moment is a blank canvas or in my case a etch-a-sketch. And in the past month it has been "shaken" blank! Now it is up to me to turn the knobs how I want to display this artwork called my life. If I turn to fast it will be a huge mess! So I must move slowly and deliberately making sure to take great care. I am not scared. I have a daily example of how life is so fragile. So it is off to more family fun today! My husband has taken some time off with me and the kids. I am so blessed! I hope each of you had a great Christmas!

Mr. Big Stuff....Who do you think you are?

I have to admit the past couple of days have been wonderful! Two family gatherings and a lot of great food and loads of laughter. More of that on my "happy" post in a minute. But God keeps giving me examples, life lessons if you will. And I try to nice it up....I really do....but it boils down to stupid people thinking they can abuse people because they are in power. Megan and I were in line at a local grocery store. The cashier was so bubbly and not afraid to mention our Savior and Christmas. She was even humming O Holy Night. I LOVE HER! In the next lane you have a sweet teenager...couldn't have been more than 18. She unfortunately didn't get me! She got an older gentlemen, well dressed. He obviously was not hurting for money with the amount of beer he was purchasing. He proceeded to yell, demean and curse this precious child over thirty six cents. It seems that he had instructed the deli lady to stop directly at 1.00 for whatever was in that white tub but she went over .36! No I am not joking! Myself, EVEN MY daughter, and the cashier sprung into action. DUDE? SERIOUSLY? CALM DOWN!!! But it was too late the tears had already started down the face of this sweet girl. No hugs, reassurance or apologies were going to take back the assault. And then words we all have thought or said aloud were uttered "If I didn't need this job so much." He was her final straw. She had her fill of rude people for the day. Why do we think so highly of ourselves? Trust me I am speaking to myself as well. Have you ever been rude to a waitress or waiter because you have had a bad day? Or worse didn't give them any attention at all? Why should I? She is just here to do a job...get on with it! As Christians (this man was in question obviously!) we must be cautious in how we treat people. We are representing our Lord 24/7. Proverbs 8:13 God says I HATE PRIDE AND ARROGANCE! That is strong! I love what Max Lucado wrote in "facing your giants" Embrace your poverty....We're all equally broke and blessed...people come into this with nothing and when they die they leave with nothing! He says "God has a cure for the high and mighty come down from the mountain. You'll be amazed what you hear and who you see. And you'll breathe a whole lot easier.. Please be careful this Christmas season that as we are in such a rush that we don't take the rush out on people just like you and me trying to make a living! Merry Christmas Eve to everyone! It is off to cook more for tonight....more eating and laughter and great family hugs! I am blessed!!!!!

My Grown Up Christmas List

There is a beautiful song that Amy Grant first recorded called "My Grown Up Christmas List". Kelly Clarkson has a beautiful version of it as well. Here is what the chorus says..
No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal the heart
And everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end
This is my grown up Christmas list
I must admit my actual grown up Christmas list would go on forever and ever....to include no more parents with cancer, Alzheimer's, diabetes, etc. no more sick children, no more poverty or starvation, no more tornadoes, tsunamis or hurricanes. Like I said I could go on and on forever. I believe we are bursting at the seams on this crazy Earth waiting on our Father to say "My son....go get your bride." I was having one of those moments where I could feel the tears welling up in the my eyes while standing in the kitchen cooking. I was thinking about my Mom. Then "Grandma got ran over by a reindeer" came on the computer (listening to WRVR while cooking). That song just cracks me up! Megan joined in singing with me at the top of her lungs. Then add my husband who was in the kitchen cooking with me. The tears of sadness were quickly reversed into tears of joy for this family God has given me. My Momma would have loved to be in the kitchen with us. Oh yes, she would have cranked up singing too!

It's about the child....

Jamie Lynn Spears, Britney Spears, baby sister is pregnant. I know what all of you are saying...."now she is truly off her rocker". But seriously, during the season that celebrates the birth of our Lord and Savior some thousands of years ago to save you and I, ..this is all you are hearing about. It's about the child! You have to dig deep in the national stories to hear about a grandmother named Agnes who opens her doors to over 500 homeless children in Harlem that for one day they will have a home cooked meal and all year hand knitted scarfs and hats for each. It's about the child! How about the numerous communities who will rise up and provide for the children of soldiers who are currently serving our country all across this world! It's about the child! Or how about the local Memphis companies and families who each year give of themselves to make sure children from St. Jude and LeBonheur will have smiles on their faces if for just one day. Yes, it's about the child! The world will not stop worshiping it's idols but this season remind the children in your life it is about the child who was laid in a manger who deserved the finest linens in all the world. The child who grew up and lived a sinless life. Who healed the sick and made blind men to see! Died a horrific death on a cross for me and for you. Rose again on the third day! Hallelujah! It's about the child! How different would Jamie Spears' life be right now if someone had told her the greatest story ever told?

Wait for it....Wait for it....

I truly believe my Lord has a sense of humor. I mean come on we can burp and....well you know. The same Creator created laughter, He even says it is the best medicine. It seems there has been little to laugh at here lately in my life. But God always gives me moments! Like tonight.....there is a cat named Slade. Not just any cat....a terrorizing feline that loves to torture our dog by constantly coming into our yard. Until tonight. We usually are peaceful people. I can take a lot. I believe my track record for putting up with things lately should earn me a Nobel peace prize. But there is a line that must not be crossed. Don't mess with the family. So my husband took Zoey outside and held her tight. (cue the western themed music) Zoey shook with anticipation as Slade walked across our yard...her territory. Jeff said wait for it....wait for it..... And then let go and like the start of the Kentucky Derby off went Zoey. Let just say that cat had to change it's litterbox! Again peaceful people are not pushovers. We are just waiting for the right moment when justice will be served or in this case just a chance to defend one's territory.

The long and winding road...

I was talking with two of my friends today.....One of my friends, I informed her that I felt like I been pulled through a chipper (you know one of those machine that you put branches through) and the other friend I told her that I was going home and if life returned to normal for her to let me know. Have you ever had one those years? You are waiting on everything to return back to normal. What is normal? I work...work hard, come home, enjoy my family, maybe slap something on the barbeque, laugh, watch a little t.v., read, go to bed...start again the next day. Now for those of you who are saying that sounds so boring. I WANT BORING! My life it seems has been on this consistent roller coaster for about 2 years. I have raised my hands several times for the ride to let me off but the ride controller continues to keep me on! The same friends I was conversing with today would say AMEN to their own roller coaster rides. Why does He keep me on it? Does He want me to enjoy the view? (I am scared of these heights)....the hills seem to grow taller. How about the thrill of the ride? The ups and the downs. Those seem to come so much quicker now that quite frankly I am getting nauseous. A wise woman told me that these seasons of life are for one of two reasons, to teach you or to teach those around you. If it is me I pray I will learn quicker....if it is you.....please hurry up and learn I want off this crazy ride!

That is my kid.....

O.k. after all my ranting this past week, it was nice just to be Mom tonight. Tonight was my daughter's middle school band recital. I am totally amazed at the talent these 6th through 8th graders have! We were jammed into the middle school gym. Trust me...adult butts were not meant to sit on those bleachers. Anyway...someone decided to pull the fire alarm, the guy in front of me had on WAY too much cheap cologne and I wanted to kill the people in front of me who talked through the entire thing. But then this gorgeous young woman with drumsticks dressed all in black took the stage. And of course I immediately went back to this little baby in my mind who could barely crawl much less play a drum solo. The lady next to me asked her Mom to look at the "beautiful" girl on the drums. Her Mom said "that girl can play!" My head got bigger and bigger. Finally I couldn't help it...I leaned over and said that's my kid...isn't she amazing! Those are the moments that make all the bad in the world go away. All the stress of the day melts. For that moment, you know exactly why you were put on this earth.... to be her Mom. I love you MPB! You rock!

Are you kidding me???

And now I am right back to how this whole thing got started. Here are the general rules of blogging when the entire world is viewing. 1. Don't blog when you are mad. 2. Don't blog out of emotion 3. You should really sleep on it before you blog. Well then I shouldn't blog tonight!!!! For me, this is how I reason things out. If you don't agree with you that is o.k. That is the beautiful part of this of country and freedom of speech. A long time ago, men died on battlefields for my freedoms I enjoy as an American....a long time ago....a Savior died and then rose again for my freedom.....as a human being. So now I will first breathe and then say this I would rather feel than shut down. I would rather voice my opinion than be silent. And may I say just because my opinion differs from yours....I could still be right or maybe I am not. But the beautiful part is that just because we differ we can still be used by God. Not everything in opposition is from Satan. Sometimes, a lot of times, our Lord will ask us to get out of our comfort zone and stand when no one else will. You don't have to take my word for it. Read the beautiful Word of God. In it you will find a Savior that was not silent. The religious establishment did not care for His truth. However, because He knew He MUST be about His Father's business, He did not back down. Praise God He didn't. However, I know I am not alone. I watched tonight as a man of God stood for what was right, spoke the truth and tried to heal injustice. I just hope we listened, pray and then be obedient to what God is asking us to do.

I treasure you...

i love you 78349283463 x's more than the last blog :) That is what my daughter just typed. Again...a reminder of how loved I am. She asked what are you blogging this time? This has been a week that it has been hard to be a professional working woman. I feel as if I woke up and it was 1950's all over again. It is the ministry I have been called to. Women are not as respected as men and they blame that on "scriptures". Praise God that I have examples of Ruth, Naomi,Abigail, Esther and Mary to name a few in my "scriptures" to remind me that I am needed in God's Kingdom. I have been blessed with the most magnificent examples of courage, bravery, strength and compassion in my life. Let me tell you about a few. There is.....
Doris Graves My Mom who is the most Christ like example in my life. What shoes to fill!With cancer you have never looked more beautiful and radiant!
Debbie My sister in law who selflessly raises her sister as well as her own three children. Who tirelessly took care of her grandmother in her last years.
Frankie Who takes care of not one but two Moms in her home. More of a Mom to her niece and nephew than their own.
Shelia She puts EVERYONE ahead of herself. Always can find the good in anyone. So selfless! When she loves you...you are loved!
Laura Her heart should not be able to fit in her chest. What a servant.
Betty She wears the scars of her Christ like life. Noone has a need that she can't find hope and help. What a woman.
Bobbie This woman in her late 40's is a pilot for a National courier service. She is one tough chick yet the warmest and most humble concern for those around her.
Kim Lost her Mom at her own birth. Raised her Godly son by herself. Lost his Dad in a car wreck while pregnant with John. Worked 3 jobs at one time!
I could go on and on. I have been blessed beyond measure for these women being in my life. I want to make my daughter's list. Say what you want about Oprah. I know her liberal views, etc. But what you must say about her is that she is strong, courageous, influential and giving. Oprah said "I am an extension....a branch.....of a tree called womanhood." Thank you to the great women in my life and the ones that have gone before me that are cheering me on through this race of life. I hope I can give you what you have given me....an example pointing to my Savior Jesus Christ that without Him I would be nothing. And He loves me and died for me...He saw me as His child not just as a woman.

It's A Wonderful Life

There are several movies that Megan and I MUST watch together. Wizard of Oz, Elf, Sound of Music and IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE! It is on tonight on NBC. There is so many Christian principles in this movie. I love the whacked humor and the happy ending. Yes I am a hopeless romantic. I just watched one of my favorite scenes...when George Bailey stands for what is right. He stands for truth....not afraid of the establishment and tells off Mr. Potter. Here is what he said! I LOVE THIS MOVIE!!!
What'd you say just a minute ago? They had to wait and save their money before they even thought of a decent home. Wait? Wait for what?! Until their children grow up and leave them? Until they're so old and broken-down that -- You know how long it takes a workin' man to save five thousand dollars? Just remember this, Mr. Potter, that this rabble you're talking about, they do most of the working and paying and living and dying in this community. Well, is it too much to have them work and pay and live and die in a couple of decent rooms and a bath? Anyway, my father didn't think so. People were human beings to him, but to you, a warped, frustrated old man, they're cattle. Well, in my book he died a much richer man than you'll ever be.

Potter: I'm not interested in your book. I'm talkin' about the Building and Loan.

Bailey: I know very well what you're talking about. You're talking about something you can't get your fingers on, and it's galling you. (money) That's what you're talking about, I know. Well...I've said too much. I -- You're...the Board here. You do what you want with this thing. There's just one thing more, though. This town needs this measly one-horse institution if only to have some place where people can come without crawling to Potter.

Week in rewind

Here is some of things I learned this week (in random order).....
1. I am blessed and loved by my Savior and my family.
2. Truthfully, I have seen 37 families directly affected by one decision this week.
3. This week ended less dramatic than last week but still the same.
4. I could not make it through without my friends.
5. It is pointless to diet at Christmas.
6. I really do love to give more than receive.
7. You should avoid the Wolfchase area during Christmas time.
8. If I can't buy it in North Shelby or Tipton County you don't need it.
9. I love to blog.
10. My children are amazing, intelligent, passionate and driven!
11. Megan loves to laugh just like her Mom.
12. Scott is a thinker just like his Dad.
13. I get inspired and learn something new every time I talk to my Mom.
14. My children are going to LOVE Christmas.
15. I am a Christian yet this week I have battled with the flesh more than ever. I trust in my Lord but I am shocked at the decisions that will effect those 37 families very very quickly.
16. I love Christmas lights and Christmas music.
17. I sway EVERYTIME I hear Alvin and the Chipmunks Christmas song.
18. I can understand why most churches do not seem like safe harbor to the lost.
19. I love Demdaco Angels. My husband surprised me with the rest of the Nativity. We really couldn't afford it but he loves to make me smile.
20. I have the greatest husband in the entire world. Oh yes I do!

She works hard for the money......

i love you mommy! :) This is what my daughter wrote to start this blog. How blessed am I? Have you ever had a week that at the end of it your brain hurts. Sometimes it is just too much. Then I look at her. What will she face when she begins her career if she so chooses to work outside the home? I got my first job at 15 1/2. I lied to get that job. I told them I was 16. I needed the money. We were poor. Richly loved but financially poor. I have never been afraid to work. I got that from my Mom. If you look closely at the palms of her hands you will see scars from hand picking cotton. No combines.... no fancy machines. Back breaking..sun up to sun down cotton picking. I come from a long line of hard working women. I want to be that example for my beautiful daughter. First and foremost I want her to see that what I do...I do for my Lord. I want her to see that I support her Father in creating a life for her. He is the provider of our home but I get to partner with him in providing the needs. I love what I do and I want her to SEE that not just hear from me. Actions do speak louder than words. I left the corporate world where your skirt had to be so tight, heels so high, mouth so quiet and advancement was usually only for the men.... or the women who were willing to do whatever it took for their own agenda. I resigned from that world because I was tired of being asked to compromise, to cover lies and work hard but give management the credit. I also knew I was working for and turning into something I wasn't proud of. I want to be someone my daughter will be proud to tell her children about. That is my prayer.

Shelia Tomas Balentine

O.k. Before anybody starts a rumor...NO I AM NOT GOING TO BE A GRANDMOTHER. Scott and Megan are saying right now I COULD OF TOLD YOU THAT! But yesterday I had to make a grand gesture because someone loved me enough to put everything else aside and take care of her friend. So sorry Scott, Brandi and Megan but my first grandbaby will be......

Shelia or Tomas Balentine (Tomas using the spanish accent of course)

Seriously...you can not make it through your life without friends. I do not only have friends but sisters in Larry and Moe! Curly loves you!

And Larry, Moe and Curly will be sacrificing the ugly "Survivor" thing with fire for anyone who wants to join!

He's Been Faithful To Me

If you don't know the song "He's been faithful to me" by Brooklyn Tab....please take a moment and listen to it on my "favorite" song list on the side of this blog. Oh it will bless you. The course even though I have questioned even failed to believe...and yet He's been faithful to me. When I first was saved I only saw God as the "the law". I did know of this loving God. Hear me....HE was always loving....I just did not know this. I always thought if I questioned Him or if I doubted I was sinning. Yes my Lord deserves nothing but praises to roll out of my mouth. But yet my scriptures tell me WHEN YOU CRY OUT TO HIM. He knew I would get angry, sad, desperate, hurt, violated. He knew! He has the answers. He just wants you to cry out to Him. Why would we need Him if we had all the answers and didn't have those desperate moments? Oh praise God through it all.....through my grumbling, moaning, even at my darkest hour HE STILL LOVED ME and He has always been faithful to me!

Facing Your Giants

I love to read! It is a good habit that I have passed down to my daughter. She is ALWAYS reading, home, dinner table, driving in the car, etc. My Mom loves to read as well so I think it is in the blood. I am currently reading FACING YOUR GIANTS by Max Lucado. He is one of my favorite authors. This book is so timely. God once again knew what He was doing in my life. I was meant to read this book right now, right at this time. I love how God orchestrates everything in my life. It is so cool to look back and see His blueprint. What a love I have!

Smile when your heart is breaking.....

O.k. you are going to read this and say....did she not learn anything yesterday? I am still very much blessed and grateful for the life God has given me. But I am desperately trying to get my spirit and mind wrapped around all this. Don't you love the word "spin." Let me first say if you have to "spin" something then I promise you something is not truthful....it will stink like roadkill that has been picked apart. Politicians will spin things they say so much you will begin to doubt the truth OR WORSE you will excuse the lie! But did that really happen? Did they really say it? They will also spin their opponents words to make it sound like they said something they didn't. I have heard that word used over and over again in the past few days that it is literally making me sick to my stomach. The undeniable, beautiful, integrity filled gospel needs no spin. That is the beautiful thing....when presented with something you are not sure of.....place it under the magnificant illuminating magnifying glass known as God's word. If it does not line up......leave it for the vultures.

Mrs. Jones, Mrs. Latham and Mrs. Williams

I have a disease that requires that I am treated at a cancer clinic once a month. I do not have cancer I have a blood disorder. Where do you find the best hematologists...in a cancer office! Today was the day. I had already come off of a crazy week feeling sorry for myself and my friends. Thinking how am I going to do TWO jobs with my health, my Mom, my teenager, my house, my husband's business. I was wallowing as far as you can go in self absorbed hatred of everything and everyone around me for the lack of respect and compassion. Then God sat me smack dab in the middle of Mrs. Jones, Mrs. Latham and Mrs. Williams. I have seen them at the clinic several times....never together. They are older, each a Grandmother, so out of respect I dare not ask their first names. Besides I really don't need to know. I am a watcher of people. I love the education of life experiences. Each of these ladies are battling cancer. Just like my Mom, they have been through all the "stages". One just got the news today that there was nothing else they could do. She was waiting on her husband to come back and pick her up. He normally drops her off for her all day chemo but there would be no more chemo. I watched this hairless, skinny, pale woman and soaked up everything she said. It is funny you don't see the "hole" in the side of her neck after you listen to her warm voice for a while. I guess I am just conditioned to the horror I see every month. She worked at a big "supercenter" chain (can't imagine who that would be) until the cancer required her to take off "too much work". They moved her to part-time and then they moved her on out. She was not complaining. She didn't have the strength to do the job anyway. Where is the compassion? What amazed me was that she didn't have a defeated look on her face rather more of a relieved look. The other two looked at her as well. Both of those courageous women still are in the battle. But then the most amazing thing happened the other two wrapped their arms around this one and just patted her cap on her head, kissed her cheek, and just loved on her. At that moment they didn't care about their own cancer battles, the color of skin, what car they drove, how am I going to pay my bills? All they cared about was their sister getting devastating news. One of them is 52 years old, grandmother of NUMEROUS grandchildren, some of which she is raising. She is battling breast cancer. She has no hair and this may sound SO strange but her bald head makes her even more beautiful. She started humming Great is Thy Faithfulness and said "Give it to Him baby, Give it to Him my sweet baby......He is strong enough for you, you don't have to be strong." I am blessed beyond any words I can form that I get to witness such strength, endurance, grace, beautiful examples of courageous women each month. I heard you Father. Thank you for talking to me.

.....My Cup Runneth Over

I now know why my Mom gets excited about the "sound" of our vehicles coming around the corner. My Dad will say "who is that driving up?" My Mom will quickly answered based on the sound. "Oh it's Theresa...I can tell by the truck." It is that sweet spot as a parent that you know your kids are alright or that dreaded spot when you know something is wrong. You just know! WELL TONIGHT...around 10:00ish my nest will be full once again. My son is coming home for a few weeks for Christmas break. I can't wait to hear the sound of that little Suzuki Reno coming up the driveway and the garage coming up! My child will be home! Praise God!

Rejoice, Emmanuel is With Us!

I have just returned from my church having enjoyed our Christmas Musical. The choir was of course superior. They are only 36 strong but they sounded like 400 on "Hallelujah". Choir you did an amazing job. As a church, I don't think the reaction matched the effort. There was a heaviness. There was a sadness tonight that was felt to the core. The soloist would hit these homerun notes and no reaction. Do we feel it? Have we really shut down that much? But I can't dwell on the sadness for long..... I have a sweet sweet friend that I was sitting by. She is one the Godliest women I know. Three of her grandchildren were sitting by us. One of those precious ones' name is Haley. She is as beautiful as a porcelain doll but has a mind like an adult. You just want to sit and listen to her. Tonight, she was amused by everything. From the bracelet on her hand to the sounds coming from the choir. I wish just for a moment I could capture her "child like" wonder. I wish I could look around at the Christmas lights, music and fanfare and just soak it in like this precious one. For that moment nothing would be missing or feel so wrong. But thank you choir for all the hours, memorization and sacrifice to present such a wonderful worship service celebrating the birth of our Lord!

"Fire Them...Fire Them All....."

I love football! I guess you can blame my parents for having 3 boys and 1 girl. I love the Pittsburgh Steelers! Why? Well...pretty much every man in my family loved the Cowboys.......My Mom and I loved Terry Bradshaw (that should age me a little)...his wife, at the time was a figure skater, Jo Jo Starbuck....o.k. back to manly conversation GO FOOTBALL! I grew up to fall in love with a diehard steelers fan terrible towel and all! So God knew what He was doing. This week in my beloved NFL the talk has started about who will be fired at the end of the year. That would bring me to the Phins! They are on target for breaking a record....a losing record that is. Cam Cameron was the "golden boy" at the start of the year. Brought on to address several issues that already plagued the Dolphins. Did you catch that....problems that already existed. People had already jumped the sinking ship that is the Dolphins. Now we are relying on the CAM to come in and not only steer this ship but turn it into something Royal Caribbean would envy...oh...and do this in one year! Now....with every loss that hits the Dolphins the cries gets louder! "FIRE THEM...FIRE THEM ALL! one fan said with a growl in their voice on ESPN this morning. One journalist wrote and I quote, "In August we were relying on new coaching and our 'stars" now it seems the only one shining at all are the ones who are tried and true and have been there year after year." Now don't get me wrong, this middle aged wife and mother, total fan of the NFL does not dare try to argue that the Coach is not at fault. But when a TEAM fails, the coach leaves for better offers, stars leave for the same, special teams aren't that special....it is the TRUE AND TRIED that get hurt the most. Without a pack out stadium, ticket sellers lose their jobs. Without thousands of fans, you don't need hourly concession workers. So when you are screaming FIRE THEM FIRE THEM ALL .....you need to do some self reflection and see if you are supporting your team or are you only there for the victories?

And we know that all things work together for good....

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). As you can tell my mind is running on lack of sleep and way too much caffeine. I find solace in writing....because something has to be right. Just something has to be right! I have read, testified, recited this verse over and over again. Do I believe it? Yes! Is it hard to wrap your brain around it in the middle of the storm YES! But Lord how will You be glorified in this? I know you will be....but how? How long will it take to see the good? David, the shepherd boy one day, the giant slayer the next was now running from Saul. A fugitive begging for bread, acting "crazy", living in caves. I can't imagine staring a giant down with a rock and a sling and yet he did. And now his faith is wavering. Did he not remember the giant that God allowed him to slay? And yet I read in my word this man of desperation found sanctuary in God's church. But what about when the church hurts you? Where do you run? I truly believe it is in these times that God is reminding us to put our faith in Him and not man. So what do I do with this "runaway" mind and hurting heart. Victor Hugo the writer of "Les Miserables" (what is up with me and all these "broadway themes"??)....anyway....he writes "Certain thoughts are prayers. These are moments when, whatever be the attitude of the body, the soul is on its knees." So it is there on my knees I will remain even if you see me upright and walking. I will stay right there with the Master of the Universe. He has slain many a giant for me. And even though my faith in people is troubled....I will not waver in trusting my Lord. Once again my blogging experience is interrupted by our four legged child. She is upset with me that the light is still on...it is after midnight... and I am disturbing her 14 hour beauty nap. So I will try to sleep as well.....at least I hope I can...

What Breaks God's Heart

What a week! Have you ever had a moment in your life when you look back you can't believe it happened? Think back......the birth of your child.....your wedding day....that first kiss (all in reverse order order of course)! These moments play over and over again in your mind. What did I say? How did I look? Can you believe it happened to me? This week was a culmination of several years being played out like a grand Broadway production. Was this a thriller or musical you ask? I think it was a dramatic comedy! How can that be you ask? Think about a Broadway production. First you must have the producers. They are the money. You can't even launch a production without them. Before too long though, the producers will be the biggest thorns in your side. Telling you who you can hire, stars, directors, make up artist, camera men, lights all the way down to the lowly custodial worker who will clean up after all the lights have gone down. Will this be a 12 year run or one? Who knows? Alot of times it will count on how low you will go for your producers. If your show is a great hit you won't have to listen to your producers for long..... but struggle,....don't have a great opening and you will find yourselves going back to them for more money. And slowly but surely your production will not resemble anything like it started. Do I know what I am talking about? Oh trust me....I do. Do you know the show "Wicked" (one of the greatest productions on Broadway and on tour right now) went through 12 different "face lifts" before it hit the stage! At least that is what was reported, I am sure it went through alot more! What in the world does this have to do with your week you crazy woman? I believe our lives should represent the greatest production created by the greatest Author of life. This production has gone through many face lifts. But the script has remained pure. It can not be warped by the money changers (even though so many have tried). Here is greatest part of this production it is FREE to everyone! It doesn't matter if your a Star or a custodial worker (God bless them). He says COME! I use to believe before this week, that there was only one way to tell this story! I believed those who has gone before us to launch "new ways" to tell this story were wrong! Hear me....I was wrong! The only thing you must remember when telling the life changing story is that it must not be corrupt. It can't be changed. The star of the show will never retire, grow old or be replaced by a younger actor. You can tell it with all the lights, music, media, techno sound tracked roller skaters for all I care but the story itself must stay pure. Well....I have a black and white spotted pooch licking my hand as I am typing begging for food or petting so I will close. What is the agenda for today? Shelf lining paper and Christmas shopping. Somebody save me from this production!

And so it begins......

I wouldn't exactly call me safe or reckless for that matter. I believe God wants us somewhere in the middle. Prepared for the adventure of the day , through His word and prayer yet ready for the unexpected. So why blogging? I thought really it was something only teenagers, philosophers, people with great education and thoughts do. And then today I woke up without a voice. And it is with that I believe I can use this vehicle for no other reason than to speak. So for now, just for today what would I say? Well it starts at the beginning...and therefore the title. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? You may think I am starting with sarcasm. Oh not true. I love my life! For those who know me...can say....ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I have a Mom who is suffering from cancer. I have a Dad who is 60% blind. I battle a disease everyday that could at any moment take my life. And then there is the INSANITY of yesterday that effected so many people and their people and their people.......and changed my spiritual world forever. And yet I am not being sarcastic. Are you kidding me that I woke this morning a forgiven and FREE child of God. The wife of the greatest husband in the entire world. The Mom to three (two I gave birth to and one my son chose) incredible, intelligent, amazing young people who will rock this world! The daughter of the most courageous woman I have ever met. Are you kidding me? I wouldn't trade this adventure for anything. So if you want philosophy, proper grammar, scandal and intrigue....don't read my blog! But If want to occasionally laugh and sometimes cry with me please read!