It has been forever since I blogged. I know people have probably quit coming to read this thing and that is o.k. It gives me a Saturday, quiet morning to try to put my feeling, thoughts and emotions into words. My Mom was a poet. I have had the privilege of reading some of her work when she was here and finding treasures now that she is gone. My Mom is gone. She died. It just doesn't seem real. You try your best as a teenager, well at least I did, trying to avoid the invasion. Urgh, I can do this myself! I don't need my Mom telling me what to do! Oh how I miss that. I was such a brat as a teenager and as an adult too at times. Yes, I knew my Momma and I were close. Yes, I knew I talked to Momma every day but I didn't realize how much that affected my life. How much I need that to face my day. There has been so much that I wanted to tell her, show her, have her participate in, give me wisdom about. Oh, she was so wise. I did have the opportunity to tell her that. I did have my chance to tell her so much. Thank you Lord for that. And just when I think I am the only one who is going to lose her mind, loosing touch, really not doing well....well then their are others. Others who are loony? NO! Others who got it! Who knew what they had and what they now do not have in their precious Moms. I have a friend who is the most together woman I know who holds on to an old purse because of the smell. I have another friend who dresses up her Mom's tombstone every week. Yes, she knows she is not there but it is her way of doing things. I have another who writes her Mom letters. Another one still after 5 years still watches her videos once a week just to hear her voice. At work, women even men would tear up and say things like "well it has been ten years and it still.....hurts." I had another friend who lost her Mom suddenly this week. It is so weird that our fathers share the same name. Did she know? They were so close but did they have time to say goodbye. How very very sad. For those of you who for whatever reason are not close with your parents. Maybe it is their fault maybe yours, really probably don't get this. My Momma died. The one who would call me in the middle of the day just to tell me she saw something on the Food Network that I need to cook. She would show up at my house with a new tablecloth just because it matched my walls. She would call my children EVERYDAY to make sure they heard their Nana, their biggest fan, say I love you and I hope your day.....or your test....went well. The woman was full of details and dates. She did not miss anything. How does someone do that? This week when my baby girl was facing something major there was only one more aspect of it that made me cry. I could not talk to my Momma. She would have called the night before Megan's test and prayed with me..told me everything is going to be o.k. She would have called before hand to make Megan laugh and would not have been able to function until she heard from me to tell me it was over. Oh I lost so much. I had so much. So for those who are not so close to your parents. And yes I know there are parents out there who do not deserve your love much less your attention. But if it is just a matter of being too busy, too stubborn, too unforgiving. Stop! Surrender! Forgive! Life is way too short. Pick up the phone.....make the call or accept the call. Oh how I wish I could.
