No matter what you do there will be critics and consequences!

Some of the greatest joys in my life were when I said YES! Do you want to marry me? Yes! Do you want to have children? YES! I have been in a perplexing place. Longing for nothing and wanting everything. I find myself beautifully stuck. My Lord has given me beautiful choices. He loves me enough to allow me to wrestle with what I truly want and what I don't. Each choice has their own sets of problems, consequences, pressures and happiness. Before I got all these choices, I had the same conversation with two people this week. Both of them said the same thing to me but in different words. Neither one know each other but BOTH care for me. I had begged God for writing on the walls. God be my GPS system. And I don't mean the cheap kind either. I want you to say Theresa turn left, Theresa turn right. How boring would that be? If all of a sudden God turned me into His humanized robot. And that is when I finally came to peace with the fact that He may not write it on the wall at least not clearly. Don't get me wrong I do not believe God is confusion or chaos. I just believe the searching for the truth and for the answers is where we find Him. Everything else falls into place AFTER we find the truth. That is what each of my friends said to me. Quit looking for writing on the walls and listen to His voice. It is then my job to be obedient no matter what. Obedience. One of the friends told me a story about a man who clearly knew God was telling him to leave something that he loved. He chose to be disobedient with the most horrific of consequences. Fast forward.....my loving God forgave him and restored him and blessed him. Isn't that like God? Even when we clearly mess up and make the wrong decision? God knows our heart. He is the ultimate loving and kind parent. So I am not scared of making the wrong decision blindly thinking I am making the right decision. I am scared of making the wrong decision KNOWING it is the wrong decision. So where does that leave me? Same place, same wrestling but with a different mission. I know that no matter what I decide God loves me. Some will give you advice based on their own wishes, others will support you no matter what. But it all boils down to me. I love what I do and I have been equipped with knowledge and wisdom (they are different) to do anything I set my mind to doing. Some will be better at what I do but none can do it the way I do it. For instance, I have the pleasure of working with a different worship performance each week. I was reading the latest productions magazine and how groups were doing it bigger and better. Why are you reading? Noone cares that you put this much effort into what you do. Oh, but HE does...... My eyes were drawn to one place that created their stage with $200.00. It looked like something from a Broadway production that had to cost thousands of dollars. NOPE! It was tremendous! It was tool (bought at several clothing stores in the clearance section) , used conduit from a construction site, foam board, solar lighting and glowsticks and good ol' manpower turning and twisting the piping to create an effect all for about $200.00. Nothing fancy yet so creative. Who thinks about stuff like this? People who have a passion for what they do and are good at it. So truth is what I am looking for. I can't be like that movie where Jack Nicholson screams "you can't handle the truth!". I must look directly at it and accept nothing less than the truth.

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. Eleanor Roosevelt