Back To The Future

I loved those old Michael J. Fox movies, Back to the future. It was one sequel too many but the first one was cool! How would you like the chance to go back and change your future by changing your past? I find myself tonight in the most peculiar place. I told my friend that blogging helps me get it off my mind and in front of me. When it is in writing it is documented, a contract, a novel. There is no denying what is in front of you. The problem with my peculiar place tonight is that I truly can't let loose and put all I need to say in writing at least not yet. So some things will have to remain unsaid. But back to the movie, I truly wish I could go back and not have my children witness some of things they have seen in the past few years. But I can't go back, I must move forward. So what will my future hold? I have decisions to make and quick. I keep waiting on things to get better. In some ways they are. But in others it has gotten so much worse. You have all heard the saying "Burn me once shame on you, burn me twice shame on me." How about burn me 100 times? I truly want to be in God's will for my life. I truly want my walk to honor Him. But I think sometimes we allow ourselves to be abused and used in His name when it never was from Him. We are accepting the abuse thinking we will win some Christian trophy. Can you see it? You go to accept your trophy with both eyes blackened, your lip swollen, missing teeth but, by golly, you are holding that trophy like Miss America. When in fact, He never meant for you to go past round 1. Sometimes the trophy was the desire, passion, intelligence, dreams, reason and clarity given by God. If we stay in ridiculous situations or allow ourselves to constantly be stepped on, are we really wanting God to say "well done" or are we waiting on man to give us the affection we desire. The mark...the beautiful standard of my life is Jesus Christ. I know I miss that mark miserably. Even worse, sometimes I give the wrong impression of my Savior. URGH! I told you I am struggling with so much tonight! But the more I overlook the obvious what I am teaching my children? What am I teaching new Christians? What am I learning myself? There are situations we have no control...diseases, layoffs, wayward children, death, etc. In these situations, we sometimes gotta hold on for the ride! I feel like I am on that show "Deal or no Deal". Do I push the button or do I wait? So what does all this mean....alot of prayer, alot of study, counsel with wiser, older Christians and then listen for my Lord to speak.