I am about to be ovary free!

O.k. it has been months since I have blogged. I really can't even explain my feelings and emotions so how can I blog them? But today, was a good day just to try. I am about to go into the hospital to as you might have guessed by the title have a hysterectomy. I am both terrified and kind of glad it is happening. I must admit after watching my Mom die of a horrific death from gynecological cancer....my mantra will be TAKE IT OUT TAKE IT OUT! Now, all that said I have been to every website known to women (I seriously doubt men have googled hysterectomies unless they were saying WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED TO MY WIFE?) but here is what I have found out. No matter what happened with the whole mood changes, hot flashes, etc., every woman sooner or later were glad they had it. Now I have always been opinionated and high strung and because of this I think ahead WAY too much. But my question for myself today has been what type of woman will I be afterwards? I have already been through all sorts of emotions because of this. Joy because of losing organs that can potentially cause this family history ticking bomb to go boom! To extreme sadness and guilt....my Mom never had this chance. And yet through her, I do. So many emotions... Anyway....I have heard from so many friends and family who have been through it and their advice I appreciate the most. They tell me the real deal. Actually, when it is all said and done, I will go in on Wednesday, hurts for several days and then life will go on just as it has since January 10th, just simply gone on. Life without my Mom is a very unusual sometimes dark place. Noone knew me like she did. I was traveling with Megan yesterday, just chilling, and I got on a subject that even she questioned. I told her about her Great Great Great Grandmother was known for riding her horse straddled instead of side saddle just because they told her she couldn't. Her Great Great Grandmother who went to women voting rallies. Her Great Grandmother who was a fashion designer. She bought all these .25 cent dressed from yardsales and then she would sew them together. Why? Because she wanted to have her own style and couldn't afford to go to the fancy dress stores. And then her Nana...my mother...the graceful, church lady who went topless most of her childhood while playing because she couldn't understand why her brothers could play without their shirts in the hot hot summers but she had too? And then there is Megan's Mom.....opinionated, strong, sometimes controversial and yet so grateful for the legacy and the future. Why do I say all this...because I want to be one of those women. Brave, courageous, and make generations to come say.....then there was your great grandmother Theresa......let me tell you about her!