Moving forward.....

A friend of mine fussed at me for not blogging more. I must admit it is hard to stay up here lately much less blog but I am going to try to be better. Which brings me to my title...I need to get started and start moving forward. I have been in a rut. Yes recovering from major surgery, but emotionally in a rut. I am one of those complicated people that drive you crazy. I love routine for myself. I love knowing what to expect everyday, a set routine and get it done and start again tomorrow. And yet, when I stay in a routine for long, I start going stir crazy and want to shake things up. Not anything drastic, I will change a room or try a new recipe for dinner. (My kids personal favorite....not). If we stay too long in one place we will get stale, slow, comfortable. Lord, don't let me get too comfortable. I don't think there is anything wrong in looking backwards. Memories sometimes get me through the day. But personally, I don't want to go back to the person I was before. She is gone. Coming out of this cancer scare and surgery, I am a different person. I am grateful for it. I am not as scared as much. I am not as people pleasing. Nothing wrong with pleasing people except when it is at your own personal expense. I am delegating more and not trying to be in charge. That is exhausting all the time. I miss so many people that are now in the past who are no longer in my life whether through death or change in life for them or for me. But we must move forward. I want to move forward. I think some people are so hungry for things being the "way it use to be" that they are destined to relive their past. Isn't there a reason it is not that way anymore? Be careful that you don't wish for things in the past so much that you also relive the mistakes of the past. I for one, can feel the burn of my past failures enough that I want that door kept closed! Besides as God promised He opened another door for me. So what does my future have in store for me. Right now, the start of this chapter of my book of life starts out with a blank page. Still madly in love with my husband, still having the two greatest kids in the world! Still very much a child of God because He loved me enough to send His only Son to take my failures in my past and future. His only Son who blesses me with a bright future no matter what happens on this Earth. And a Savior who loves me enough to remind me in His scriptures not to repeat the past but learn from it and do a new thing in the future. Yes, it can be scary but there is something exciting about those butterflies in your stomach and that lump in your throat and even the hair to stand up on the back of your neck. It means you are alive....MOVE FORWARD...go ahead open that door.....you might just love what is on the other side!